“Brain Training” – by Gary Smolker

“We don’t see things as they are,

we see things as we are.”  – Anais Nin, essayist

Training

I spent six hours on Friday, November 4, 2016, taking courses California lawyers are required to take, including 4 hours of legal ethics, 1 hour of competence issues (formerly known as Prevention, Detection, and Treatment of Substance Abuse or Mental Illness) and 1 hour of elimination of bias in the legal profession – training my brain.

The legal education program I attended was presented by the Beverly Hills Bar Association in their offices at 9420 Wilshire Blvd, 2nd floor, Beverly Hills, CA 90212.

My Reaction

The program was very disturbing.

The presenter of the elimination of bias lecture and the four presenters of legal ethics lecture painted a picture of legally mandated conduct, which in my opinion, which will lead to substance abuse.

That is assuming what the presenter of “substance abuse lecture” said about environmental factors which cause substance abuse is correct and that is assuming that people do not understand the underlying cosmic bigger picture message [which had nothing to do with “elimination of bias”] presented by the lecturer on the “elimination of bias in the legal profession” in the lecture on “elimination of bias”.

A Large Number of Attorneys Are Substance Abusers!

We were told/taught that large numbers of attorneys are substance abusers but we were not told why they became substance abusers or how they became substance abusers and/or to what extent literally following conduct mandated by Rules of Professional Conduct results in attorneys becoming substance abusers.

Which Comes First: (a) Drinking, or (b) Unethical Conduct?

After listening all day to the presentations, I wondered: Which comes first, [1] drinking or [2] prohibited non-professional conduct?

I also wondered how many of the listeners to the “elimination of bias” speaker’s lecture had any idea of the what she was really talking about.

“The fool wonders, the wise man asks.” – Benjamin Disraeli, statesman

Pain Is 60% Emotional.

The “Substance Abuse” presenter emphasized that to escape pain people drink and people take drugs.  They are doing so to escape from pain.

The person who presented the “substance abuse lecture” told us that alcoholism is a disease;  that the likelihood of becoming an alcoholic is 60% genetically determined and is brought about 40% of the time by environmental factors.

After the program, a hypnotherapist friend of mine with whom I discussed the program told me:

Pain is 60 percent emotional.

Hypnotherapy is used to reduce pain.

The success in reducing pain is in the belief and motivation of people to re-frame their perception of their pain.

Under hypnosis, you train your brain to not feel so much pain.

Two of the major scripts used in hypnosis for reducing pain are:

• The Control Room, where you actually visualize turning down your own scale of the volume of your pain on a machine.  Number Zero being not feeling any pain.
• The Glove Anesthesia, which is a freezing numbing visualization of the pain once you have visualized moving that pain from wherever it is in your body into your hand and fingers, and then submerge your hand in deep snow or ice.  Cold is numbing.

Alcohol and drugs are numbing too.   But, just for a few minutes.  Taking drugs and/or drinking alcohol leads to being in a vicious circle you cannot come out of.

You forget the pain in your mind for a few moments but it is not really gone so it resurfaces stronger.

Once you take on the habit of “alcohol or substance abuse”, it becomes an addiction.

Being an addict means that nothing can stop you from harming your health.

Unhealthy habits deliver different types of rewards into your neurological system.

Mainly, serotonin and dopamine are biochemical active emotional control responses brought into your neurological system to make you temporarily happy and comforted.

In her presentation, the substance abuse presenter told us: over time, it takes more and more alcohol and more and more doses of drug to get the same response.

My Takeaway

A Full Life Doesn’t Live Itself

Text on billboards lining our highways and byways sponsored by bourbon manufacturers state, “A FULL LIFE DOESN’T LIVE ITSELF.”

I agree with that statement.

“Education is civil defense against media [and advertising] fallout.”  – Marshall McLuhan, philosopher

The six hours of legal education lectures I attended on on Friday (November 4, 2016) focused on how to interpret that message.

Competence Issues – formerly known as Prevention, Detection and Treatment of Substance Abuse or Mental Illness

Presented by Joelie Jacobson, M.A., L.M.F.T.,P.P.S., Hazelden Betty Ford

I am unmarried man who has three adult daughters; two of my daughters are single.

I found Joelie’s lecture very practical and relevant to me.

My takeaway from Joelie’s lecture is

• Out of self-defense, I shouldn’t date or marry a woman who is an alcoholic,
• Chances are if one of a women’s parents or siblings is an alcoholic she will be or is prone to become an alcoholic too.
• Generally speaking, with carefully considered exceptions, I should not date or marry any woman who drinks more than one glass of wine at a meal or constantly drinks as part of  an active social life.
• In general it is highly likely such a woman is or will become an alcoholic.
• If a woman or a man has a high stress job and/or if a man or woman is an empathetic person and is constantly, day in and day out, exposed to people in emotional trauma and/or high stress or pain it is almost guaranteed as a result of the type of person he or she is and the environment he or she works in that he or she will turn to alcohol or take drugs to escape the pain he or she feels in his or her clients or patients and will turn into an alcoholic.
• I should warn my single daughters of the dangers of getting involved with a man who is an alcoholic or drug user.
• I should warn my single daughters of the danger of getting involved with a recovering alcoholic or drug user.
• I should warn my single daughters of the potential dangers of getting involved with a man who has a sibling or has a parent who is an alcoholic.

Joelie’s presentation of how terrible and how dangerous it is to be associated with an alcoholic, of how horrible and dangerous it is to become an alcoholic was very disturbing and alarming.

The take away message forcibly and persuasively taken away by me after listening to  Joelie’s lecture and to the lecture on elimination of bias in the legal professional and to the lectures on legal ethics was, to me, as a lawyer licensed to practice law in California: To comply with Rules of Professional Conduct, I must eliminate any bias I may have [for reasons of self-defense] against associating with alcoholics and substance abusers [people who need to have a drink or take a controlled substance] in my own life even though associating with such a person potentially will put me at a substantial risk of suffering great physical harm and emotional trauma!

High Levels of Stress and Trauma

Jolie explained that “chronic pain”, “high levels of stress”, and “trauma caused by adverse events” are environmental factors that drive people to have a drink and/or to take drugs which eventually results in them becoming alcoholics and drug addicts.

Jolie emphasized that escaping pain by abusing drugs or drinking alcohol in the long run does not work and is instead self-destructive.

A handout from the Betty Ford Center given to everyone at the program by Jolie states, “There is a growing body of evidence that, as a whole, drug therapies for pain management are largely ineffective.”

Secondary Stress and Trauma

Jolie explained that those attorneys and health care professionals who are highly empathetic who come in daily contact with people who are suffering high levels of pain are often driven to drink or drugs to escape the pain they suffer as a result of feeling the pain their clients/patients are suffering.  Side comment:  It is highly dangerous to be empathetic in such situations.

Neurocognitive Enhancement

According to the Betty Ford Center handout Jolie gave us:

Essentially we [Betty Ford Centers] help patients reshape and retrain the pain center of their brain.

We help them relearn how to focus their attention …

So, rather than focusing on the physical cause of the pain, our pain management program is based on neurocognitive enhancement – reshaping how the brain reacts to pain.

You do not need drugs to manage your pain. 

Our integrated treatment approach is safe and effective. 

Patients who complete our program tell us they literally feel reborn.  They find a freedom they never thought possible.

Disease

According to Jolie, alcoholism is a disease.  It is not curable.  It is only treatable.

Elimination of Bias in the Legal Profession

Presented by Pamela Tedeschi, Esq.

According to Pamela, “We don’t marginalize people like us.”

Women, Not Men, Have Vaginas

Side comment: Perhaps women having vaginas and men not having vaginas is one of the reasons women who marginalize men marginalize men and vice-versa.

Pamela told us:

• We carry on our historical ancestry.
• Cultural training and societal imperatives are positive and/or negative reinforcement.
• We don’t feel safe with things we are not familiar with.

Pamela urged us to challenge traditional biases

• Religious and cultural elitism
• Class system disenfranchisement
• Sexism – misogyny
• White privilege

Side comment:  Aren’t those biases the major factors that are driving the drama and suspense connected with the November 8, 2016 election of the next President of the United States, and what will determine the final outcome of that election?

Symbols

“Those who rule the symbols rule us.” – Alfred Korzybski, linguist

Lawyers Are Standard Bearers

Pamela said:

• We lawyers are standard bearers.
• What really makes a difference is being an excellent lawyer… seeking justice, fairness and equal protection.

Pamela didn’t say, but I think Pamela would agree:

If a lawyer does his or her work only to make money (bill clients) or only to win (whatever win means) that lawyer will not be happy.

The only way for a lawyer to be happy with “legal work” is to work on something the lawyer believes in, to do what you do as part of living a purposeful life.

I know a lawyer who defends unlawful detainer cases.

When he represents a “poor” tenant who is being bullied and can’t paid this lawyer’s legal fee, this lawyer tells the landlord’s lawyer:

“I am working for free because I don’t like bullying.  I am committed to handle this case from womb til death do we part, I will not rest until my client wins this case.”

And he means it.  He doesn’t quit giving the case his all until the case is over.

Susan Sarandon

In a recent interview Susan Sarandon said she wasn’t going to vote for Hillary Clinton for President.

Ms. Sarandon explained, “I don’t vote with my vagina.”

In addition to saying she “doesn’t vote with her vagina”, Ms. Sarandon  also said:

“I am worried about the wars, I am worried about Syria.  I am worried about all of these things that actually exist.  I am worried about fracking.  I’m worried about the environment.  No matter who gets in they don’t address these things because money has taken over the system.”

There are many big money making people who are doing what they are doing solely for the sake of making money, they are doing the things the way they do them – without heart – solely to earn “more” money.

They feel they are entitled to make lots of money.

They are never happy.

They can never get or make enough money.

A friend of mine responded to Susan Sarandon’s comments as follows:

“I think Sarandon makes comments that show her to be in a bubble of unreality.  Money, among other things, has always been one of the drivers of the car of capitalism and democracy.  It obviously has its frailties as well as its benefits for our system and many other’s.  But her statements reflect her reasons for being a Bernie supporter – and a judgmental one at that.”

Safety and Security

Pamela urged the attorneys attending her lecture (a) to seek common values, and (b) to seek safety and security for themselves and others.

Easier Said than Done

Human nature:

• People are tribal.
• People are tribal for self-protection safety reasons.
• However, very few people are willing to commit to one another.
• Very few people are willing to be part of a team that compromises for the greater efforts of the whole, other than to participate in common core action to provide safety from attack from other people.

Knowledge Is Dangerous

People who want to treat pain by changing the focus of someone’s mind need to be strong and mature:

“What we learn at my school about human behavior is extremely disturbing and confusing.  If you are not strong enough or too young and too vulnerable it can be lethal.  One girl in my class hanged herself last week at 24 years old.  She was depressed.  Never talked to any one about it.

“Knowledge is a double edged sword.”

Human Warmth

“Sharing human warmth on all levels – as humans, we turn to others for validation, approval, cushions, and love as well as advice, thoughts and opinions.

“Business runs best when people commit to one another, the core values of whatever they are doing, and the willingness to be part of a team that compromises for the greater efforts of the whole.”

Legal Ethics

Presented by Edward O. Lear, Esq., Hon. Donald Miles, Dianne L. Karpman, Esq., Dominique Snyder, Esq.

Four hours of lectures were presented by a team composed of three lawyers who defend attorneys accused of violating Rules of Professional Conduct and one of the Five Judges in the State Bar Court of the State of California whose job is to decide whether an attorney accused of violating the Rules of Professional Conduct is guilty and punishment.

Takeaway

• The number one type of complainer bringing a complaint to the State Bar against an attorney is a client who just doesn’t want to pay attorney fees.
• Every attorney should read the Rules of Professional Conduct at least once a year.
• The job of the State Bar is to protect the public, not to punish attorneys.
• Lawyers are prosecuted for Rules of Professional Conduct violations to protect the public.
• The cover-up is always worse than the act.
• The explanation for conduct is sometimes more damning than the conduct.
• When defending an attorney accused of violation of the Rules of Professional Conduct, “Ignorance is a lawyer’s worse offense.”
• “Saying I didn’t know is not a defense or mitigating.  It is aggravating.”
• How you think is everything.
• Goals are nothing without action.
• Justice ought to be in the heart of the lawyer and in the heart of the law firm.

OPTIMISM is the belief there is a next time.

I am an optimist.

I look forward to listening to those presenters give another lecture in the future.

Accolade

All the presentations were full of practical valuable relevant information.

All the presenters did an excellent job.

Each one of them exuded a friendly attitude.

Each of their presentations exhibited their insight and intelligence.

Each of their presentations was a call to action.

There are a few inspirational words of encouragement I would have said if I was one of them.

Inspirational and Aspirational Things I Would Have Said If I Was One of the Presenters

“Strength does not come from physical capacity.  It comes from indomitable will.” – Mahatma Gandhi, statesman

“Our goals can only be achieved through a vehicle of a plan, in which we must fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act.  There is no other route to success.”  – Pablo Picasso, artist

Most men succeed because they are determined to.

Gary S. Smolker, publisher, movie reviewer, social commentator
The Gary S. Smolker Idea Exchange
www.garysmolker.wordpress.com

Gary Smolker, fashion blogger
Dude's Guide to Women's Shoes
www.dudesguidetowomensshoes.com

Copyright © 2016 Gary Smolker, All Rights Reserved

A Comment on Visionary Tom Ford’s Newest Movie “Nocturnal Animals” by Gary Smolker

CONSTANT CONTACT

I constantly come in contact with young and old men and women (married and unmarried) who are lonely.

That is why I am writing this blog post on the issues raised in Nocturnal Animals.

My Soul

Tom Ford’s newest movie Nocturnal Animals touched my soul the first time I saw it (which was at its North American Premier in Toronto at the 2016 Toronto International Film Festival 0n 12, September, 2016).

I haven’t been able to get Nocturnal Animals out of my mind.

“Nocturnal Animals” Is An Interesting Conversation Piece

Nocturnal Animals was the topic of conversation I had with two hip people at a high hip quotient networking brunch I attended in Brentwood, California on Saturday October 22, 2016.

Neither of the two hip people I spoke to at that brunch (which was a hip people only affair) had seen Nocturnal Animals yet, but both told me they plan to see Nocturnal Animals soon.

One of those two people (a writer) asked me: “Why do half the people who see ‘Nocturnal Animals’ hate it and the other half love it?”

The other person (a music composer) told me: “I can’t wait to see ‘Nocturnal Animals.’  It won at the Venice Film Festival.”

The Cause of Heart Break and How To Get Over A Broken Heart

Nocturnal Animals is about two painful real-life topics:

• the cause of heart break and
• how to get over a broken heart.

That is why half the people who see it hate it and the other half love it.

Today, the pain arising out of “heart-break”, out of having a “broken-heart”, and being suffered by the large number of heart-broken people in America while they are trying to get over a broken heart is in everyone in America’s face all the time.

Saturday  NIGHT (October 22, 2016): I Was Presented with One Side of the Pain of Heartbreak – The Woman’s Side

Saturday night, I had a quiet dinner with a gorgeous sophisticated spiritual world-wise delightful woman (GORGEOUS AND DELIGHTFUL) who can’t accept the fact that many American men are marriage phobic.  She discussed with me how frustrated she is by

• the marriage phobic state of mind of dashing physically and mentally attractive men she dates;
• their deep seated widespread fear of marriage has emotionally and romantically paralyzed these men;
•  these men want to see her only once or at most twice a week and to be free the rest of the time; and
• she feels all women her age have been trapped by
• the social hierarchical reality that men are supposed to be dominant which currently exists in America;
• this leads to men being overly competitive,
• MALE OVER COMPETITIVENESS has created a society in which men are commitment phobic,
• men are more committed to making money and to their money than to having a committed relationship;
• this limits women’s options,
• their (a woman’s) limited other options “force” women in America to be manipulative,
• because they are manipulative in their relationships with men, they can not get close to men and men cannot get close to them.
• IT HAS BEEN HER EXPERIENCE THAT ROMANCE IS DEAD IN AMERICA.

Many men pour their money into a nonreciprocal (sexually oriented) relationship with all the women in their lives.

DELIGHTFUL GORGEOUS acknowledges she is a “fool” to still “want” to be with the emotionally paralyzed commitment phobic unromantic men who “stole/steal her heart.”

Painfully, DELIGHTFUL GORGEOUS can’t get over them even though she realizes because of the high value she places on ROMANCE (romantic involvement) she has to move on until she finds a romantic partner.

Sunday NIGHT (October 23, 2016): I Was Presented with The Man’s Side of Heartbreak

• Sunday night (October 23, 2016)  I went to an “Emancipation Party” thrown by a man who just paid his wife a “pretty sum” to get her out of his life.
• He was miserable for many years of the past years he was married to her.
• To his relief she moved out of his house about two days ago.
• At his party, he reported to me: “The morning after she moved out was the first morning he woke up with a smile.”
• Male dissatisfaction with marriage is a widely and strongly held sentiment among the many wealthy men I am in contact with.  For example: The other day, another very wealthy friend of mine asked me: “Do you know why divorce is so expensive?  I replied, “Why?” He answered: “Because it is worth it.”

These unhappy men, feel that their wives are using them.

I tell my male friends and my female friends:

• In order for marital and other personal relationships and business relationships to work all parties have to pull their own weight.
• Each partner has to be genuine, sincere, honest and authentic or their relationship is going to fall apart, it isn’t going to work.

TOM FORD

TOM FORD, the Director writer of the screen play and one of the producers of Nocturnal Animals lives in London.

TOM FORD was previously the design director for Gucci, Yves Saint Laurent Rive Gauche, and YSL Beaute before launching his own fashion brand, the Tom Ford brand. in 2005.

TOM FORD never puts a foot wrong.

TOM FORD has a never ending power of invention, an infallible sense of provocation, that distinguishes modern fashion and modern movie making at its best.

In fact I will go as far as to say, with Nocturnal Nights TOM FORD has launched a new type of genre of film: THE HIP FILM.

TOM FORD’S great passion for detail and clear vision of his aesthetic goals are on display in Nocturnal Animals.

 TOM FORD orchestrates the characters’ in Nocturnal Animals experience of their worlds in such a way that every scene in Nocturnal Animals comes down to one single thing: a wonderful, sensual sensory experience.

Every moment one spends watching Nocturnal Nights is charged with erotic frisson.  Every person in the audience is perpetually on the edge of their seat wanting to know and never knowing what is going to happen next.

In short: TOM FORD is the Flaubert of movie making just as he was a visionary in the world of fashion, the Flaubert of fashion.

Admiration

I admire TOM FORD’S persistence and exactitude.

TOM FORD made sure that everything in every scene in Nocturnal Animals is “just so.”

The perfectionism shown in the final product – which is the experience of watching Nocturnal Animals – resonated with my own very personal demand for perfectionism in all elements of my existence.

I admire and love creativity.

I am attracted to people who are sui generus/generis.

TOM FORD, like myself, is a creature of his own invention.

I am all and am totally in favor of glamour and perfection.

So is TOM FORD.

• TOM FORD has a nimble mind.
• TOM FORD takes his work seriously.
• TOM FORD obviously sips from life’s full cup.

Without a doubt TOM FORD would be great company.

That is one of the many reasons I enjoyed Nocturnal Animals so much.

Nocturnal Animals Is A Refreshing Antidote to Tackiness

Like TOM FORD himself, and the clothes TOM FORD has designed, there is nothing tacky about Nocturnal Animals.

Brash Vision

Looking good requires work.

Nocturnal Animals is the latest manifestation of TOM FORD’S brash vision, seer’s confidence, attention to detail, and hard work.

Nocturnal Nights Is The Latest Well Conceived Successful Product of A Provocateur Visionary

As one perfectionist workaholic provocateur visionary to another, I salute you TOM FORD for a job well done.

Flashy Brassy Attitude

I share TOM FORD’S flashy brassy attitude.

Check out the flashy brassy attitude exhibited in my latest creative business venture Dude’s Guide to Women’s Shoes at http://www.dudesguidetowomensshoes.com.

Dude’s Guide to Women’s Shoes is a high hip quotient flamboyant hippie fest which appeals to style-aware goddesses.

DEADLINE

I have put myself under the pressure of a self-imposed deadline to finish writing this movie review in my living room before I go to my office this morning.

VICTIMS OF THEIR OWN INSECURITY

Many people are victims of their own insecurities.

That is why many people love and many other people hate Nocturnal Animals.

• Nocturnal Animals does not have a plot.
• Furthermore, Nocturnal Animals does not have a beginning, or a middle, or an end.
• More importantly, Nocturnal Animals is an impeccably well constructed out of order sequence of a series of scenes in the life of a woman who was her own worse enemy – a woman who became the victim of her own insecurities.

 A MOVIE FOR THE BROKEN HEARTED

The ideal audience for Nocturnal Animals are people whose hearts have been broken by their spouse and/or by their lover(s).

People who have not had their heart broken may or may not be able to [fully] appreciate Nocturnal Animals.

• Mature men who have had their heart broken, men who couldn’t get over their broken heart for a long time or for ever, and men who understand this movie, will love it.
• Mature women who have had their heart broken, who couldn’t get over their broken heart, and women who understand this movie, will also love it.

RULES TO LIVE BY & LESSONS TAUGHT

Nocturnal Animals screams out the following rules to live by and teaches the following lessons:

1. Don’t pair up with someone who is extremely insecure.  Such a relationship will never work.
2. People become happy when they let go of the perception of what they are supposed to be.  Be who you want to be.
3. You can’t make a better past.  Abandon all hope of bettering your past.
4. When you enjoy the absurdity in the world it is less painful.  People act absurdly.
5. Your soul must be the center of your universe.  If everybody in a family is not pulling their own weight the family unit is going to fail.
6. You can’t cheat reality.  You are responsible for your own life.  Fake is fake.
7. You can’t walk away all the time.  When you love somebody and they love you, work out your problems, don’t throw away your love for each other.

HAVE THE STRENGTH TO BELIEVE IN THE PERSON YOU LOVE OR ELSE LIVE A BARREN UNROMANTIC LIFE

The fatal flame-out causing flaw of the main character (Susan played by Amy Adams) in Nocturnal Animals is that she (Susan) did not believe in her first husband.

Her first husband had the strength to see in himself and the strength to believe in himself.

But, she (the main character Susan played by Amy Adams) did not have the strength to believe in her first husband or to ability to see the strength of her first husband.

Her first husband was passionately and romantically totally committed to her.

Her first husband wanted to share her life with her and for her to share his life with him.

Her first husband loved her totally.

Susan was not the right person for her first husband to marry because Susan was so shallow she was incapable of having an enduring relationship with him, good man though he is.

• Susan had no empathy.
• Susan had no emotional connection to her first husband.
• Susan was incapable – way to shallow to be able to share intimacy.
• When push came to shove she was not romantically involved with him enough to wait for his career to blossom.
• Susan did not love her husband enough to go through the ups and downs of life with him.
• Susan discovered she wanted a different life style that her struggling your writer husband could provide or that she could provide for herself as an artist.
• When the hormonal rush of good sex was over, Susan thought she saw that he was not right for her.
• Of course she was wrong.  She was not trustworthy, she was not reliable, she valued having money and “luxury creature comforts” over having a committed relationship.

Her beauty, her love of beauty and her love of financial success was a trap.

A WEAK WRONG HEADED UNROMANTIC WOMAN

SUMMARY: Nocturnal Animals consists of a sequence of scenes in the life of an extremely unhappy woman (Susan) who didn’t believe in a man who was her true and first love.

She became the victim of her own insecurities; her wrongheadedness and emotional weakness made her panic – made her runaway with a dashing successful handsome doctor who turned out to be a philanderer, who frequently went on business trips during which he had sex with “glamorous”  women.

In the end, Susan was very much alone and miserable.

The Beginning

Susan and her first husband knew each other and unbeknownst to each other had crushes on each other when they were in high school.

They met up again when they were graduate students.

• He wanted to be a writer.
• She wanted to be an artist.

After they reconnected in graduate school they discovered they were “in love” with each other and got “married” over the protest and against the advice of her mother.

Her mother told her, “He is poor.  You are rich.  You will never have the things or the life style you are accustomed to if you marry him.”

FAKE DOESN’T HAVE THE SAME FEEL AS REAL – FAKE FEELS FAKE BECAUSE FAKE IS FAKE

Nocturnal Animals shows how a child is going to turn out will depend in great part in what their parents instill in them as a child.

Nocturnal Animals teaches the lesson that parents do a great disservice to their children if and when they tell their children, “It is an easy to fall in love with someone who is rich as it is to fall in love with someone who is poor.”

Mature sophisticated worldly people know is not easy to “fall in love” with anyone.

Parents should tell their children,

• “It is completely unsatisfying to be in love with a person who you can’t get close to, to be married to a person who you can’t connect with, and it is pure hell to live with a person who doesn’t care enough about you.
• “People in the United States live in a highly manipulative society.
• “That is one of the reasons there are so many unhappy marriages.
• “When you find someone in your life that you connect to don’t let them get away.
• “Be real about yourself, about who you are and what you have to offer.
• “Marry someone who is genuine, authentic, sincere, honest and values a relationship that is committed to enduring and getting better.”

THE STRONG ONE STICKS TO WHAT THEY BELIEVE IN

Nocturnal Animals consists of a series of scenes in the life of the very distraught Susan (perfectly played by Amy Adams) and has a wonderful ending.

Go see Nocturnal Animals.

VISUALLY

Visually Nocturnal Nights starts with a presentation of totally nude very over-weight women dancing.

The women are completely nude.

We (the audience) see their entire nude bodies as they dance, pubic hair and everything else.

Next the audience sees the main character, (Susan) a beautiful successful art-gallery owner married to her second husband, a dashing handsome young doctor (perfectly played by Armie Hammer), in her Beverly Hills art-gallery.

Our eyes (the audience’s eyes) are directed to a giant sculpture of a overweight nude woman on the floor in Susan’s are-gallery.

The movie begins with a picture of obese women dancing without any clothes on.

Q: Why is that?

A: The opening scene is a hip metaphor graphically delivering TOM FORD’S message, “The rest of the world is laughing at overweight, unhealthy Americans.”

Gary S. Smolker, publisher, movie reviewer, social commentator
Gary S. Smolker Idea Exchange Blog
www.garysmolker.wordpress.com

Gary Smolker, fashion blogger
Dude's Guide to Women's Shoes
www.dudesguidetowomensshoes.com

 

Above is a photograph of Gary S. Smolker taken on October 19, 2016 in his office in Encino, California, USA.

COPYRIGHT © 2016 by Gary S. Smolker, All Rights Reserved

 

The Importance of Being Fun – by Gary S. Smolker

There Is Not One Approach That Is Always the Winner

CONTEXT

Below is an image of the front side of a T-shirt with the initials PUWRFC.

PUWRFC stands for Princeton University Women’s Rugby Football Club.

My good friend Richard Gibson wore that T-shirt at a meeting I had with Richard yesterday.

That T-shirt set the tone of our meeting.

The purpose of my meeting with Richard was to come up with a strategy to recommend to a friend of mine’s daughter Jessica who we thought was on the verge of being exploited by her employer.

Jessica , a highly qualified skilled and experienced woman, was experiencing an on-going frustrating situation at work.

We wanted to make sure Jessica understood our opinion that this is/was an appropriate time to be tough,

THE IMPORTANCE OF HAVING A (CORRECT) MENTAL MODEL OF HOW THE WORLD WORKS

During our conversation with Jessica, Richard and I gave Jessica a mental image, a mental model, to have of herself of who she had to be while negotiating a compensation package with her employer.

Richard and I made it absolutely clear to Jessica that there are times when it is okay to be tough; there are times when it necessary for a woman to be “tough.”

The  T-shirt Richard wore (front of T-shirt pictured below) was given to Richard by his adoring daughter Caroline.

Below is an image of the reverse side of the T-shirt, Caroline gave to Richard.

I took those photographs yesterday afternoon (May 7, 2016) at my friend Richard Gibson’s home.

The words on the reverse side of the T-shirt are

• FIGHT
• SCORE
• WIN
• EVISCERATE

The four words above (on the back side of the T-shirt) express (encapsulate) the attitude of the National Champion Princeton Women’s Rugby Team during the time Caroline was an undergraduate student at Princeton.

The team, through its T-shirt, signals to member of the team to the world at large that the team and its members (while on the Rugby Football field) have an aggressive take on prisoners attitude.

I sent the above image of that T-shirt to Jessica to reinforce the attitude and mental frame of mine Jessica, Richard and I had discussed at our meeting.

LIFE IS ABOUT HAVING GOOD JUDGMENT

During the four years Caroline was at Princeton University’s she was on Princeton University’s women’s rugby football team.

Each year of the four years Caroline played on the Princeton University’s women’s rugby team, Caroline was an All-American Women’s Rugby Football Player.

Princeton won the National Women’s Rugby Championship three of the four years Caroline was on the team.

When Caroline graduated from Princeton, Richard gave Caroline the choice of training on the United States Woman’s Rugby Team for the Olympic Games or going to medical school.

Caroline chose to go to medical school instead of to train for the U.S. Olympic Woman Rugby Football Team.

Life Is Not A Formula.

Caroline is currently practicing medicine as a neo-natal physician on the staff of the neo-natal intensive care department at world renown Seders Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles, California.

Caroline Gibson, M.D. deals with the life and threatened death of prematurely born and or defectively new born babies every day, saving their lives.

The fact that life is not a formula is what makes Caroline’s life, your life and my life interesting.

Life Is Full of Messages, Choices and Decisions

Life involves having a strategy and positioning.

Outcomes in life depend, in part, on having good judgment, and making good choices and decisions.

There are many alternatives in everyone’s life, many choices to be made.

Whether we are aware of it or not, we have a mental image of how the world works and of our impact on the world.

We are constantly sending impactful messages to everyone who sees us, hears us, and/or reads what we write.

Visual messages and choice of words identify who we are, what we believe, how we think the world works and what we are about.

See for example:

• Steven Pinker’s THE STUFF OF THOUGHT – “Language As A Window Into Human Nature”
• Steven Quartz and Anette Asp’s “COOL – How the Brain’s Hidden Quest for Cool Drives Our Economy and Shapes Our World” and
• Stephen Apkon’s “THE AGE OF IMAGE – Redefining Literacy In A World of Screens.”

Below is a photograph I took a couple of weeks ago of a man wearing a T-shirt.  I believe the T-shirt that man is wearing sends a very clear message (makes a very clear statement) of what that man believes, how he thinks the world works, and of his emotional orientation.

In my opinion that T-shirt shows the man wearing that T-shirt identifies with the toughness and wildness of professional boxer Mike Tyson.

That man is clearly saying (to me) that he is a FAN and fully supports everything about and roots for the success of Brooklyn New York born professional boxer Iron Mike Tyson and identifies with who Mike Tyson is and Mike Tyson’s struggles and approach to life.

The “key” words to me in that T-shirt are “Brooklyn, NY” and “Iron”/”Iron Mike Tyson.”

The man in the picture is celebrates iron/toughness/coming from a rough neighborhood by using the words Iron Mike Tyson.

The message printed on that T-shirt is a provocation — equivalent to dogs peeing to mark their territory.  The message in that T-shirt projects physical male prowess, especially in a “fight”, especially in the boxing ring.

The message being broadcast on that T-shirt is: I AM TOUGH. DON’T PICK A FIGHT WITH ME.  I AM V E R Y TOUGH.

I took that photograph while I was eating breakfast on the patio at Aroma Cafe and Bakery on Ventura Blvd., in Tarzana, California, two weeks ago.

The Aroma Cafe and Bakery has a palpable energy.

The customers who go there and wait staff there are always high energy.

The Aroma Cafe and Bakery’s menu is an example of unfettered creativity, as is each dish served there.

I’ve been a regular at the Aroma Cafe and Bakery for more than five years.

Below is a picture of a woman wearing a T-shirt which sends an entirely different statement that the T-shirt worn by the man above wearing the Iron Mikey Tyson T-shirt.

The words printed on her T-shirt are The Angels Have Landed.

I took the photograph of her, wearing a The Angeles Have Landed T-shirt (see image below), at the Starbucks Coffee Shop (Starbucks Store # 6630) on the corner of Burbank Blvd. and Van Nuys Blvd., in Van Nuys, California, located at 14431 Burbank Blvd., Van Nuys, last week.

That Starbucks is located in a lower-middle class neighborhood one block away from that portion of Van Nuys Blvd which is the location of Van Nuys’ and Sherman Oaks’ “automobile row.”

New car dealerships, with car lots full of new and used cars for sale, line both sides of Van Nuys Blvd., one block away from this Starbucks.

Many of the customers in that Starbucks are struggling writers, film writers, book writers, joke writers and comedians.

There are many angels in the earth.

Below is a photograph of man whose T-shirt directly deals with his idea, which is a universally held idea,  about the “California State of Mind.”

I took the photograph of that man (below, last week) outside of Lido’s Pizza in Van Nuys, California — located at 14232 Victory Blvd., Van Nuys, CA.

Lido’s Pizza has been in business for about 50 years.

Look at the photograph below of the same man with his girlfriend.

Look at the joy on their faces.

Don’t Be Afraid of Who You Are

You can’t be afraid of who your are.

Don’t run away from your own powers.

Embrace your strengths.

Our choices are affirmations of our values and goals.

Everyone has the power to say, “This I am today; that I will be tomorrow.”

When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor.  Its to enjoy each step along the way.

Do what you want to do; be yourself.

Play big.  There is no passion to be found in playing small – in settling for a life that is less than you are capable of.

GETTING BACK TO MY FRIEND’S DAUGHTER JESSICA

Helping people see possibilities increases the choices they can make.

Jessica is in the process of negotiating her compensation package with her employer, a national real estate brokerage firm.

Jessica has extremely rare specialized training experience skills and ability.

Jessica is a specialist in a narrow segment of the commercial real estate industry.

Richard has more than 50 years of experience in the real estate industry, as a real estate broker, as a developer, as a property manager, as person who raises money for projects, as an investor and as a financier.

After my meeting with Jessica and Richard concluded, I sent a “heads-up, brief summary of our meeting and follow-up” email/letter to Jessica’s sister Sabrina.

Below is a redacted copy of a note I sent to Jessica’s sister Sabrina – via email.

I also sent a copy of that e-mail  to the mother of an extremely talented young lawyer friend whom I am very fond of and to that young man.

FOLLOW-UP “HEADS-UP” LETTER

Saturday evening, May 7, 2016

Sabrina

I had a telephonic strategy meeting with your sister Jessica and my friend Richard Gibson this afternoon.

At the beginning of our conversation, I “asked” Jessica to write down the following four words:

• Fight
• Score
• Win
• Eviscerate

Throughout my discussion with Jessica, I repeatedly advised Jessica to be tough in her dealing with you know who.

The attached images are the front and back of a Princeton University Women’s Rugby Football Club T-shirt that was worn by Richard Gibson at our meeting.

Richard’s daughter Caroline played on the Princeton University’s Women’s Ruby Football team for four years; she was an All-American Women’s Rugby Football player those four years and the intercollegiate team Caroline was on won the National Championship three of the four years Caroline was on the team.

Caroline is a neo-natal intensive care physician at Cedars Sinai.

Caroline deals with life and death every day.

Knowing  your sister Jessica and Caroline for many years, I know your sister Jessica can deal as coolly under pressure as Caroline,

I look forward to Jessica and you meeting Caroline.

THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY

We cannot sleepwalk through life.

We need a strategy; passion and anger are not enough.

By the way, I am sending a back copy of this note to a young talented lawyer I am very fond of who has been sleepwalking.  I am also sending a copy of this email to his mother.

Mother of young lawyer:

• Please wake your son up.
• Please give your son hell.

Warmest regards,

Gary

Jason Fane’s Comments Regarding that Email and My Reply

After reading the above note to Jessica, my super achieving brilliant friend Jason Fane wrote to me:

“You catch more with honey than with vinegar and make fewer enemies.

“Many battles are won by strategy, and positioning.  The opponents may not ever know that there was a battle or that they lost.”

I replied:

“Tell that to the Shepard who threw the rock at Goliath.”

Jason replied:

“OK, where would I find him?  Where does he live now?

TAKE AWAY:

• There is a time and place for everything.
• Once in a while, you need to throw the stone that kills the enemy.

Creativity Is About Connecting Things

At its core creativity can’t be reduced to a formula.

Creativity needs novelty and surprise to seem fresh and new.

However, creativity is just connecting things.

I wholeheartedly agree with what Apple co-founder Steve Jobs said about creativity in in 1966:

“When you ask creative people how they did something, they feel a little guilty because they didn’t really do it, they just saw something.  It seemed obvious to them after a while.  That’s because they were able to connect experiences they’ve had and synthesize new things.  And the reason they were able to do that was that they’ve had more experiences or they have thought more about their experiences than other people.”

I know creative people draw upon their own lives (personal experiences) as creative fodder.

My favorite Steve Jobs quote is:

“You have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple. But it’s worth it in the end because once you get there, you can move mountains.”

My favorite quote about the importance of observation in the creative process, is the following statement made by Louis Pasteur:

“In the filed of observation, chance favors the prepared mind.”

My 28 year old daughter Leah Graham Smolker’s latest blog post (on “Leah’s Travel Blog – Journeys Across the Universe) at https://easytospell03.wordpress.com/2016/05/art-travel-soul/ titled “Art, Travel & Soul” posted on May 8, 2016, (today) is a perfect example of all of the above.

In that post, Leah explains that great artists and writers were determined to travel at some point in their life.

Leah explains that, “Art does not exist without travel.  Art needs a location.  Art needs architecture.  Without, there is no soul and there is no spine-tingling gratifying effect to the viewer.  Travel is more than nomadic tendencies; travel is the creation of human capital and enterprise.”

Leah is talking about creative artistic masterpieces, not run of the mill ordinary art.

In that post,

• Leah explains how travel influenced the life and work of Edvard Munch, Caravaggio, Goethe, Van Gogh, Chagall, and Edward Hopper.
• Leah quite stridently describes how travel played a dominant role in creating the gratifying effect of viewing the great masterpieces of art she describes in that blog post.
• Leah explains the attitude of the famous creative artist whose paintings she discusses in her post titled “Art, Travel and Soul”: “A lot of great artist loathe cliches, banality and unoriginality.”

Leah gives many examples.

Below are two of my favorite pictures discussed in Leah’s recent blog post titled “Art, Travel & Soul” – which Leah posted earlier today.

I agree with Leah that the two paintings shown below have “soul” and are extremely original.

Those paintings have a spine-tingling gratifying effect when ever I view them.

By the way, Leah and I “rank” people by how much “soul” they have.

Leah and I talk about how much “soul” people have all the time.

I agree with what David Dye, Bill Walton, Michael Jordan and  Vincent Van Gogh have said about the human spirit:

• “Work that is disconnected from meaning and purpose is a prison bar.” – David Dye, author and leadership development coach
• “You don’t win championships by just being normal, by just being average.” – Bill Walton, basketball player
• “Championships are won while the stands are empty.” – Michael Jordan, basketball player
• “Great things are not done by impulse, but by a series of small things brought together.” – Vincent Va Gogh, artist

ABOUT LEAH

Leah attended school in Mainland China, Thailand and Israel as well as in the United States and has taught in South Korea.

Leah has loved art and reading books her entire life.

Leah has traveled to and “lived” for brief periods of time in thirty different countries.

The Importance of Being Creative, Talented and Fun

Unless your are an absolute genius famous for creating things – as well as famous and revered for living a life that pushes boundaries – such as choreographer Jerome Robbin, it is absolutely necessary that you be fun and fun to be with if you want to succeed in life or in business “long term.”

Robbins was a bully and a perfectionist.

Robbins was so despised by dancers that they sometimes refused to speak to him off the stage.  But few refused his invitations to perform.

Robbins was widely acknowledged – revered actually – as one of the most creative artists of his time.

In 1949, he contacted his friends Leonard Bernstein and Arthur Laurents with the idea that they should collaborate to create a new musical.

Their goal, Robbins said, should be to establish the avant-garde on Broadway.

These three creative men collaborated on the project proposed by Robbins because they wanted to create something that felt modern yet timeless.

Over the next few years, these three men traded scripts, scores and choreography ideas.

Working on this project required every ounce of their tenacity, artistry, technical wizardry, and endurance.

In 1957 – eight years after they had first embarked on that project – they were finally done.  All that was left was to find financial backers.

Nearly every producer they approached turned them down.  They were told their “play/musical/dance drama” [Westside Story] was too different from what audiences expected.

Robbins finally found financiers willing to support a staging of Westside Story in Washington, D.C.

Their creation, West Side Story, was first performed in 1957.

When the curtain went down on opening night there was silence.

As everyone prepared to take their positions for the curtain call there was absolute silence, they took their places holding hands.

When the curtain went up, they looked at the audience and the audience looked at them.

And then the audience jumped to their feet, stamping and yelling.

West Side Story went on to become one of the most popular and influential musicals in history.

West Side Story is a genre defying masterpiece.

Robbins, Bernstein and Laurents trusted themselves enough to let their creativity out.

 

Copyright © 2016 by Gary S. Smolker, All Rights Reserved