WOMEN ROCK – by Gary S. Smolker

 

Below is an exchange of correspondence from a “woman” to me about a relationship that didn’t work, my response to her about why that relationship didn’t work, and also a commentary on the common complaint women have about men, and a description (from a woman’s point of view) of the ideal relationship.

I have posted two photographs below.

One photograph is of a woman I saw in the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf coffee shop across the street from the high rise office building in which I work in Encino, California.

The other photograph is of a young girl I saw in the elevator in my high rise building as I was she and I were riding in that elevator.  I was going from the ground floor up to my office.

NOTE TO GSS

I used to think if I loved as much as I could. He would see and feel that love and therefore reflect, let down guards and do the reciprocate. That shit doesn’t happen.

I don’t want to train. And I can’t train someone not willing to be open.

I just need to get over trying to figure out why he didn’t listen and wasn’t open.

I am more than worth listening to. And I do more than enough. But it still hurts to have unrequited love.

If I only understood why. But maybe it’s better I don’t. Because I couldn’t stand to think it’s because he thought I wasn’t worth it.

But I am worth it.

 

GSS’S REPLY

ABSOLUTELY beautifully expressed —– you are a great writer.

The simple answer to your questions “Why didn’t ‘it’ work?” is:  He is not the “right” man for you.

The “right” man for you would not want to miss one minute of “being there” with you.

He was not “there” to begin with.

Your situation is somewhat like what Gertrude Stein said about Oakland, California: “There is no there there.”

It has absolutely nothing to do with you.

It has everything to do with who he “is.”

He is a person who doesn’t have the tools for a successful life.

• He does not have the same point of view you do of what constitutes living a meaningful life.
• He does not have the same perspective you have of what constitutes living a full life.
• He does not want to be the person you wish him to be.
• He doesn’t interpret things the way you do.
• He does not have the tools to live a meaningful life.
• He doesn’t have an idea what living a meaningful life entails.
• He doesn’t know how to become the person you wish he was.
• He doesn’t have the same drive to live a full meaningful life that you do.
• He doesn’t have the same thought process you do.
• He doesn’t feel things the way you do.
• That is why he seems to be emotionally comatose.
• He is emotionally indifferent.

I wish you were here with me in my arms or I was there with you —- with me hugging you —- with me comforting you.

I know you are in great pain.

You are a superb human being.

You are “worth it.”

A man of the “highest level” of sophistication and refinement and intelligence will be passionate about your relationship; he will thank God that he is blessed to have you be part of his life when the two of you finally “get together.”

Gary

COMMENTARY

The Common Complaint

With few exceptions women who have told me their relationships was not working and/or asked me why their relationship wasn’t working or asked me how men “think”, have consistently complained that the man in their life was not open with them and not willing to change.

My bottom line is the men they were with didn’t want to make the relationship work.  The men probably didn’t have the same goals as the women and were immature.

The Right Man

A woman who is head over heals in love with her boy friend told me: He is my everything now.  He is so good to me.  I feel like he is an extension of my hands, feet, soul, and mind.

When I repeated that to a woman friend of mine, she replied,

• Being good to you isn’t enough.
• He has to make you feel good.
• He has to make you feel good about yourself.
• He has to have the right values.
• He has to be sexually attractive to you.
• He has to be someone who will be with you to the day you die.

Copyright © 2016 Gary S. Smolker, All Rights Reserved