Live Life Fully with Eyes Wide Open – by Gary Smolker

I’ve been living in a rut.

I got out of that rut on the weekend of January 13, 2017.

My Creative Weekend

During the weekend of January 13 through January 15, 2017, I discovered many treasures, including a double-Decker-merry-go-round-carousel in the Westfield Topanga Mall in front of the Target store.

My goal/project for Saturday (January 14, 2017) was to hang a plate on a wall in my kitchen.

However, I didn’t have any nails.

I decided to go get some nails at Home Depot.

In the process of going to get some nails at Home Depot, along the way, I ended up at the Westfield Topanga Mall in Canoga Park …. where I discovered the double-Decker-merry-go-round-carousel pictured above.

Art

My housekeeper had given me a plate the day before, on Friday (January 13, 2017) early in the morning before I went to my office in Encino.

Below is a picture of the plate she gave me sitting on a granite counter-top in my kitchen.

On Saturday (January 14, 2017), I decided I would hang that plate on a wall in my kitchen.

However, I didn’t/don’t know how to hammer a nail in a wall and (at the time) I didn’t have any nails.

Luckily I know a woman (Christy Rusk) who knows how to hang a plate on a wall and how to hammer nails into a wall.

My Nine Hour Hanging A Picture on A Wall Project

It took me nine hours from the time I left my home to buy nails to when I got home, hammered nails in a kitchen wall and hung the plate.

To get my project done, I picked up Christy (a young lady who knows how to hammer nails in walls) to help me with the task at hand.

I picked up Christy at Christy’s home near the Grove in West Hollywood, at 11:15 a.m.

After picking Christy up, Christy and I meandered over to the Home Depot store in Woodland Hills, located at 7345 Variel Avenue, Woodland Hills, CA. 91367.

The Lost City of Los Angeles

Los Angeles is a lost city.

I say that because Los Angles is spread over so much territory that hardly anyone living in Los Angeles has seen (or been to) every part of it.

On our way to Home Depot, Christy and I stopped at the Westfield Topanga Mall to look for a store that would replace a dead battery in Christy’s watch or would sell Christy a new battery to replace the dead battery in Christy’s watch.

None of the jewelry stores or watch repair stores we visited in the mall would do so for a reasonable price.

That is how we ended up in the Target store at the Westfield Topanga Mall, where I discovered a most amazing book.

The Most Amazing Book

See photograph below.

I didn’t know that book existed.

I found it by “chance” in a Target Store while looking for a new watch battery with Christy.

Fashion As Fine Art

Before Christy and I got to the Target Store, Christy and I meandered through the Nordstrom in the Westfield Topanga Shopping Mall.

While meandering, we walked into the “Chanel Store” and the “Gucci Store” located in the Nordstrom Department Store.

What an eye opening experience that was.

Chanel

Below is a picture I took of a “Clutch” I saw in the Chanel Store.

That clutch is a recycled used cigar box.

It sells for $14,000.00.

Gucci

I also saw amazing purses and clutches at the Gucci store.

See photograph below of a $2,800.00 clutch.

Look at the attention to detail.

Isn’t the attention to detail amazing?

I think so.

Next, I looked at and took a photograph in the Gucci store of a $3,800 Gucci Purse.

See photograph below.

I think the attention to detail in that Gucci purse and the design of that Gucci purse are amazing.

But wait, next I saw and took a picture of, another astounding and even more expensiive Gucci purse.

See picture below.

Don’t you agree that Gucci purse has priceless style, intricate stitching and fabulous design?

 

        

The sales price of that Gucci purse is $5,800.00.

Lush Cosmetics

While we were in the shopping mall, Christy wanted to purchase some soap.

She loves Lush Cosmetics Soap.

We meandered over to the Lush Cosmetics Store.

It was an amazingly creative fun experience to be in that store.

Below are three photos of  signs I saw above three of the different types of soap.

TAKE AWAY:  Signage counts.

Lush Cosmetics knows how to merchandise their products.

See photos below.

In my imagination, prompted by being in that store, I could see myself bathing by candlelight in my bath with a girl friend …. to add a sense of calm, magic and seduction to taking a bath.

I have enchanting candle holders on the side of my oversized bathtub.

The Ultimate Decadent Bathing Experience

I have a wine glass holder on the side of my bath tub.

I was missing the right kind of bubble bath.

Now, thanks to my trip on Saturday (January 14, 2017) to Lush Cosmetics store in the Westfield Topanga Shopping Mall,  I have everything I need for the ultimate decadent bathing experience except a woman to take a bath with me.

How sublime.

I am taking one tiny step at a time.

Heat Is the New Black

According to an article I recently read,

• “Hyperthermic conditioning (calculated heat exposure) can help you increase growth hormone (GH) levels and substantially improve endurance.”
• Hot baths can significantly increase GH over baseline, and have been shown to cause a massive release in prolactin, which plays a role in wound healing.
• If nothing else, they seem to dramatically decrease DOMS (delayed on-set muscle soreness).

Supporting Good Causes

While at Lush Cosmetics I purchased:

• A Twilight Bath Bomb, price $$6.95
• A Yoga Bomb Bath Bomb, price $7.95
• A Tisty Tosty Bath Bomb, price $6.75
• A Frozen Bath Bomb, price $8.95
• A Avobath Bath Bomb, price $6.75 and
• A container of Charity Pot hand and body lotion, price $7.95.

The purchase of these products supports good causes and good groups like ….  the “International Wildlife Rehabilitation Council” which provides education and resources on wildlife rehabilitation to promote conservation and welfare worldwide.

According to their literature, Lush Cosmetics funds grassroots groups working on environmental, human rights and animal protection issues.

By the Way

There are beautiful things to be seen all around us.

On Saturday (January 21, 2017) I went to Glendale with Christy Rusk to eat Dim Sum at Din Tai Fung.

While waiting to be seated we walked outside and saw a little girl who had one hand holding her mother’s hand and her other hand holding a string connected to an elephant balloon.

I also saw many young women wearing sweat shirts broadcasting the printed message: “The Future is Female.”

Copyright © 2017 by Gary Smolker, All Rights Reserved

By the way,

• I am a fashion blogger for Dude’s Guide to Women’s Shoes.
• Check out my posts on Dude’s Guide to Women’s Shoes at http://www.dudesguidetowomensshoes.com
• I am also on Instagram.
• Check out my posts on Instagram @garyspassion

 

 

 

 

“Brain Training” – by Gary Smolker

“We don’t see things as they are,

we see things as we are.”  – Anais Nin, essayist

Training

I spent six hours on Friday, November 4, 2016, taking courses California lawyers are required to take, including 4 hours of legal ethics, 1 hour of competence issues (formerly known as Prevention, Detection, and Treatment of Substance Abuse or Mental Illness) and 1 hour of elimination of bias in the legal profession – training my brain.

The legal education program I attended was presented by the Beverly Hills Bar Association in their offices at 9420 Wilshire Blvd, 2nd floor, Beverly Hills, CA 90212.

My Reaction

The program was very disturbing.

The presenter of the elimination of bias lecture and the four presenters of legal ethics lecture painted a picture of legally mandated conduct, which in my opinion, which will lead to substance abuse.

That is assuming what the presenter of “substance abuse lecture” said about environmental factors which cause substance abuse is correct and that is assuming that people do not understand the underlying cosmic bigger picture message [which had nothing to do with “elimination of bias”] presented by the lecturer on the “elimination of bias in the legal profession” in the lecture on “elimination of bias”.

A Large Number of Attorneys Are Substance Abusers!

We were told/taught that large numbers of attorneys are substance abusers but we were not told why they became substance abusers or how they became substance abusers and/or to what extent literally following conduct mandated by Rules of Professional Conduct results in attorneys becoming substance abusers.

Which Comes First: (a) Drinking, or (b) Unethical Conduct?

After listening all day to the presentations, I wondered: Which comes first, [1] drinking or [2] prohibited non-professional conduct?

I also wondered how many of the listeners to the “elimination of bias” speaker’s lecture had any idea of the what she was really talking about.

“The fool wonders, the wise man asks.” – Benjamin Disraeli, statesman

Pain Is 60% Emotional.

The “Substance Abuse” presenter emphasized that to escape pain people drink and people take drugs.  They are doing so to escape from pain.

The person who presented the “substance abuse lecture” told us that alcoholism is a disease;  that the likelihood of becoming an alcoholic is 60% genetically determined and is brought about 40% of the time by environmental factors.

After the program, a hypnotherapist friend of mine with whom I discussed the program told me:

Pain is 60 percent emotional.

Hypnotherapy is used to reduce pain.

The success in reducing pain is in the belief and motivation of people to re-frame their perception of their pain.

Under hypnosis, you train your brain to not feel so much pain.

Two of the major scripts used in hypnosis for reducing pain are:

• The Control Room, where you actually visualize turning down your own scale of the volume of your pain on a machine.  Number Zero being not feeling any pain.
• The Glove Anesthesia, which is a freezing numbing visualization of the pain once you have visualized moving that pain from wherever it is in your body into your hand and fingers, and then submerge your hand in deep snow or ice.  Cold is numbing.

Alcohol and drugs are numbing too.   But, just for a few minutes.  Taking drugs and/or drinking alcohol leads to being in a vicious circle you cannot come out of.

You forget the pain in your mind for a few moments but it is not really gone so it resurfaces stronger.

Once you take on the habit of “alcohol or substance abuse”, it becomes an addiction.

Being an addict means that nothing can stop you from harming your health.

Unhealthy habits deliver different types of rewards into your neurological system.

Mainly, serotonin and dopamine are biochemical active emotional control responses brought into your neurological system to make you temporarily happy and comforted.

In her presentation, the substance abuse presenter told us: over time, it takes more and more alcohol and more and more doses of drug to get the same response.

My Takeaway

A Full Life Doesn’t Live Itself

Text on billboards lining our highways and byways sponsored by bourbon manufacturers state, “A FULL LIFE DOESN’T LIVE ITSELF.”

I agree with that statement.

“Education is civil defense against media [and advertising] fallout.”  – Marshall McLuhan, philosopher

The six hours of legal education lectures I attended on on Friday (November 4, 2016) focused on how to interpret that message.

Competence Issues – formerly known as Prevention, Detection and Treatment of Substance Abuse or Mental Illness

Presented by Joelie Jacobson, M.A., L.M.F.T.,P.P.S., Hazelden Betty Ford

I am unmarried man who has three adult daughters; two of my daughters are single.

I found Joelie’s lecture very practical and relevant to me.

My takeaway from Joelie’s lecture is

• Out of self-defense, I shouldn’t date or marry a woman who is an alcoholic,
• Chances are if one of a women’s parents or siblings is an alcoholic she will be or is prone to become an alcoholic too.
• Generally speaking, with carefully considered exceptions, I should not date or marry any woman who drinks more than one glass of wine at a meal or constantly drinks as part of  an active social life.
• In general it is highly likely such a woman is or will become an alcoholic.
• If a woman or a man has a high stress job and/or if a man or woman is an empathetic person and is constantly, day in and day out, exposed to people in emotional trauma and/or high stress or pain it is almost guaranteed as a result of the type of person he or she is and the environment he or she works in that he or she will turn to alcohol or take drugs to escape the pain he or she feels in his or her clients or patients and will turn into an alcoholic.
• I should warn my single daughters of the dangers of getting involved with a man who is an alcoholic or drug user.
• I should warn my single daughters of the danger of getting involved with a recovering alcoholic or drug user.
• I should warn my single daughters of the potential dangers of getting involved with a man who has a sibling or has a parent who is an alcoholic.

Joelie’s presentation of how terrible and how dangerous it is to be associated with an alcoholic, of how horrible and dangerous it is to become an alcoholic was very disturbing and alarming.

The take away message forcibly and persuasively taken away by me after listening to  Joelie’s lecture and to the lecture on elimination of bias in the legal professional and to the lectures on legal ethics was, to me, as a lawyer licensed to practice law in California: To comply with Rules of Professional Conduct, I must eliminate any bias I may have [for reasons of self-defense] against associating with alcoholics and substance abusers [people who need to have a drink or take a controlled substance] in my own life even though associating with such a person potentially will put me at a substantial risk of suffering great physical harm and emotional trauma!

High Levels of Stress and Trauma

Jolie explained that “chronic pain”, “high levels of stress”, and “trauma caused by adverse events” are environmental factors that drive people to have a drink and/or to take drugs which eventually results in them becoming alcoholics and drug addicts.

Jolie emphasized that escaping pain by abusing drugs or drinking alcohol in the long run does not work and is instead self-destructive.

A handout from the Betty Ford Center given to everyone at the program by Jolie states, “There is a growing body of evidence that, as a whole, drug therapies for pain management are largely ineffective.”

Secondary Stress and Trauma

Jolie explained that those attorneys and health care professionals who are highly empathetic who come in daily contact with people who are suffering high levels of pain are often driven to drink or drugs to escape the pain they suffer as a result of feeling the pain their clients/patients are suffering.  Side comment:  It is highly dangerous to be empathetic in such situations.

Neurocognitive Enhancement

According to the Betty Ford Center handout Jolie gave us:

Essentially we [Betty Ford Centers] help patients reshape and retrain the pain center of their brain.

We help them relearn how to focus their attention …

So, rather than focusing on the physical cause of the pain, our pain management program is based on neurocognitive enhancement – reshaping how the brain reacts to pain.

You do not need drugs to manage your pain. 

Our integrated treatment approach is safe and effective. 

Patients who complete our program tell us they literally feel reborn.  They find a freedom they never thought possible.

Disease

According to Jolie, alcoholism is a disease.  It is not curable.  It is only treatable.

Elimination of Bias in the Legal Profession

Presented by Pamela Tedeschi, Esq.

According to Pamela, “We don’t marginalize people like us.”

Women, Not Men, Have Vaginas

Side comment: Perhaps women having vaginas and men not having vaginas is one of the reasons women who marginalize men marginalize men and vice-versa.

Pamela told us:

• We carry on our historical ancestry.
• Cultural training and societal imperatives are positive and/or negative reinforcement.
• We don’t feel safe with things we are not familiar with.

Pamela urged us to challenge traditional biases

• Religious and cultural elitism
• Class system disenfranchisement
• Sexism – misogyny
• White privilege

Side comment:  Aren’t those biases the major factors that are driving the drama and suspense connected with the November 8, 2016 election of the next President of the United States, and what will determine the final outcome of that election?

Symbols

“Those who rule the symbols rule us.” – Alfred Korzybski, linguist

Lawyers Are Standard Bearers

Pamela said:

• We lawyers are standard bearers.
• What really makes a difference is being an excellent lawyer… seeking justice, fairness and equal protection.

Pamela didn’t say, but I think Pamela would agree:

If a lawyer does his or her work only to make money (bill clients) or only to win (whatever win means) that lawyer will not be happy.

The only way for a lawyer to be happy with “legal work” is to work on something the lawyer believes in, to do what you do as part of living a purposeful life.

I know a lawyer who defends unlawful detainer cases.

When he represents a “poor” tenant who is being bullied and can’t paid this lawyer’s legal fee, this lawyer tells the landlord’s lawyer:

“I am working for free because I don’t like bullying.  I am committed to handle this case from womb til death do we part, I will not rest until my client wins this case.”

And he means it.  He doesn’t quit giving the case his all until the case is over.

Susan Sarandon

In a recent interview Susan Sarandon said she wasn’t going to vote for Hillary Clinton for President.

Ms. Sarandon explained, “I don’t vote with my vagina.”

In addition to saying she “doesn’t vote with her vagina”, Ms. Sarandon  also said:

“I am worried about the wars, I am worried about Syria.  I am worried about all of these things that actually exist.  I am worried about fracking.  I’m worried about the environment.  No matter who gets in they don’t address these things because money has taken over the system.”

There are many big money making people who are doing what they are doing solely for the sake of making money, they are doing the things the way they do them – without heart – solely to earn “more” money.

They feel they are entitled to make lots of money.

They are never happy.

They can never get or make enough money.

A friend of mine responded to Susan Sarandon’s comments as follows:

“I think Sarandon makes comments that show her to be in a bubble of unreality.  Money, among other things, has always been one of the drivers of the car of capitalism and democracy.  It obviously has its frailties as well as its benefits for our system and many other’s.  But her statements reflect her reasons for being a Bernie supporter – and a judgmental one at that.”

Safety and Security

Pamela urged the attorneys attending her lecture (a) to seek common values, and (b) to seek safety and security for themselves and others.

Easier Said than Done

Human nature:

• People are tribal.
• People are tribal for self-protection safety reasons.
• However, very few people are willing to commit to one another.
• Very few people are willing to be part of a team that compromises for the greater efforts of the whole, other than to participate in common core action to provide safety from attack from other people.

Knowledge Is Dangerous

People who want to treat pain by changing the focus of someone’s mind need to be strong and mature:

“What we learn at my school about human behavior is extremely disturbing and confusing.  If you are not strong enough or too young and too vulnerable it can be lethal.  One girl in my class hanged herself last week at 24 years old.  She was depressed.  Never talked to any one about it.

“Knowledge is a double edged sword.”

Human Warmth

“Sharing human warmth on all levels – as humans, we turn to others for validation, approval, cushions, and love as well as advice, thoughts and opinions.

“Business runs best when people commit to one another, the core values of whatever they are doing, and the willingness to be part of a team that compromises for the greater efforts of the whole.”

Legal Ethics

Presented by Edward O. Lear, Esq., Hon. Donald Miles, Dianne L. Karpman, Esq., Dominique Snyder, Esq.

Four hours of lectures were presented by a team composed of three lawyers who defend attorneys accused of violating Rules of Professional Conduct and one of the Five Judges in the State Bar Court of the State of California whose job is to decide whether an attorney accused of violating the Rules of Professional Conduct is guilty and punishment.

Takeaway

• The number one type of complainer bringing a complaint to the State Bar against an attorney is a client who just doesn’t want to pay attorney fees.
• Every attorney should read the Rules of Professional Conduct at least once a year.
• The job of the State Bar is to protect the public, not to punish attorneys.
• Lawyers are prosecuted for Rules of Professional Conduct violations to protect the public.
• The cover-up is always worse than the act.
• The explanation for conduct is sometimes more damning than the conduct.
• When defending an attorney accused of violation of the Rules of Professional Conduct, “Ignorance is a lawyer’s worse offense.”
• “Saying I didn’t know is not a defense or mitigating.  It is aggravating.”
• How you think is everything.
• Goals are nothing without action.
• Justice ought to be in the heart of the lawyer and in the heart of the law firm.

OPTIMISM is the belief there is a next time.

I am an optimist.

I look forward to listening to those presenters give another lecture in the future.

Accolade

All the presentations were full of practical valuable relevant information.

All the presenters did an excellent job.

Each one of them exuded a friendly attitude.

Each of their presentations exhibited their insight and intelligence.

Each of their presentations was a call to action.

There are a few inspirational words of encouragement I would have said if I was one of them.

Inspirational and Aspirational Things I Would Have Said If I Was One of the Presenters

“Strength does not come from physical capacity.  It comes from indomitable will.” – Mahatma Gandhi, statesman

“Our goals can only be achieved through a vehicle of a plan, in which we must fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act.  There is no other route to success.”  – Pablo Picasso, artist

Most men succeed because they are determined to.

Gary S. Smolker, publisher, movie reviewer, social commentator
The Gary S. Smolker Idea Exchange
www.garysmolker.wordpress.com

Gary Smolker, fashion blogger
Dude's Guide to Women's Shoes
www.dudesguidetowomensshoes.com

Copyright © 2016 Gary Smolker, All Rights Reserved

A Comment on Visionary Tom Ford’s Newest Movie “Nocturnal Animals” by Gary Smolker

CONSTANT CONTACT

I constantly come in contact with young and old men and women (married and unmarried) who are lonely.

That is why I am writing this blog post on the issues raised in Nocturnal Animals.

My Soul

Tom Ford’s newest movie Nocturnal Animals touched my soul the first time I saw it (which was at its North American Premier in Toronto at the 2016 Toronto International Film Festival 0n 12, September, 2016).

I haven’t been able to get Nocturnal Animals out of my mind.

“Nocturnal Animals” Is An Interesting Conversation Piece

Nocturnal Animals was the topic of conversation I had with two hip people at a high hip quotient networking brunch I attended in Brentwood, California on Saturday October 22, 2016.

Neither of the two hip people I spoke to at that brunch (which was a hip people only affair) had seen Nocturnal Animals yet, but both told me they plan to see Nocturnal Animals soon.

One of those two people (a writer) asked me: “Why do half the people who see ‘Nocturnal Animals’ hate it and the other half love it?”

The other person (a music composer) told me: “I can’t wait to see ‘Nocturnal Animals.’  It won at the Venice Film Festival.”

The Cause of Heart Break and How To Get Over A Broken Heart

Nocturnal Animals is about two painful real-life topics:

• the cause of heart break and
• how to get over a broken heart.

That is why half the people who see it hate it and the other half love it.

Today, the pain arising out of “heart-break”, out of having a “broken-heart”, and being suffered by the large number of heart-broken people in America while they are trying to get over a broken heart is in everyone in America’s face all the time.

Saturday  NIGHT (October 22, 2016): I Was Presented with One Side of the Pain of Heartbreak – The Woman’s Side

Saturday night, I had a quiet dinner with a gorgeous sophisticated spiritual world-wise delightful woman (GORGEOUS AND DELIGHTFUL) who can’t accept the fact that many American men are marriage phobic.  She discussed with me how frustrated she is by

• the marriage phobic state of mind of dashing physically and mentally attractive men she dates;
• their deep seated widespread fear of marriage has emotionally and romantically paralyzed these men;
•  these men want to see her only once or at most twice a week and to be free the rest of the time; and
• she feels all women her age have been trapped by
• the social hierarchical reality that men are supposed to be dominant which currently exists in America;
• this leads to men being overly competitive,
• MALE OVER COMPETITIVENESS has created a society in which men are commitment phobic,
• men are more committed to making money and to their money than to having a committed relationship;
• this limits women’s options,
• their (a woman’s) limited other options “force” women in America to be manipulative,
• because they are manipulative in their relationships with men, they can not get close to men and men cannot get close to them.
• IT HAS BEEN HER EXPERIENCE THAT ROMANCE IS DEAD IN AMERICA.

Many men pour their money into a nonreciprocal (sexually oriented) relationship with all the women in their lives.

DELIGHTFUL GORGEOUS acknowledges she is a “fool” to still “want” to be with the emotionally paralyzed commitment phobic unromantic men who “stole/steal her heart.”

Painfully, DELIGHTFUL GORGEOUS can’t get over them even though she realizes because of the high value she places on ROMANCE (romantic involvement) she has to move on until she finds a romantic partner.

Sunday NIGHT (October 23, 2016): I Was Presented with The Man’s Side of Heartbreak

• Sunday night (October 23, 2016)  I went to an “Emancipation Party” thrown by a man who just paid his wife a “pretty sum” to get her out of his life.
• He was miserable for many years of the past years he was married to her.
• To his relief she moved out of his house about two days ago.
• At his party, he reported to me: “The morning after she moved out was the first morning he woke up with a smile.”
• Male dissatisfaction with marriage is a widely and strongly held sentiment among the many wealthy men I am in contact with.  For example: The other day, another very wealthy friend of mine asked me: “Do you know why divorce is so expensive?  I replied, “Why?” He answered: “Because it is worth it.”

These unhappy men, feel that their wives are using them.

I tell my male friends and my female friends:

• In order for marital and other personal relationships and business relationships to work all parties have to pull their own weight.
• Each partner has to be genuine, sincere, honest and authentic or their relationship is going to fall apart, it isn’t going to work.

TOM FORD

TOM FORD, the Director writer of the screen play and one of the producers of Nocturnal Animals lives in London.

TOM FORD was previously the design director for Gucci, Yves Saint Laurent Rive Gauche, and YSL Beaute before launching his own fashion brand, the Tom Ford brand. in 2005.

TOM FORD never puts a foot wrong.

TOM FORD has a never ending power of invention, an infallible sense of provocation, that distinguishes modern fashion and modern movie making at its best.

In fact I will go as far as to say, with Nocturnal Nights TOM FORD has launched a new type of genre of film: THE HIP FILM.

TOM FORD’S great passion for detail and clear vision of his aesthetic goals are on display in Nocturnal Animals.

 TOM FORD orchestrates the characters’ in Nocturnal Animals experience of their worlds in such a way that every scene in Nocturnal Animals comes down to one single thing: a wonderful, sensual sensory experience.

Every moment one spends watching Nocturnal Nights is charged with erotic frisson.  Every person in the audience is perpetually on the edge of their seat wanting to know and never knowing what is going to happen next.

In short: TOM FORD is the Flaubert of movie making just as he was a visionary in the world of fashion, the Flaubert of fashion.

Admiration

I admire TOM FORD’S persistence and exactitude.

TOM FORD made sure that everything in every scene in Nocturnal Animals is “just so.”

The perfectionism shown in the final product – which is the experience of watching Nocturnal Animals – resonated with my own very personal demand for perfectionism in all elements of my existence.

I admire and love creativity.

I am attracted to people who are sui generus/generis.

TOM FORD, like myself, is a creature of his own invention.

I am all and am totally in favor of glamour and perfection.

So is TOM FORD.

• TOM FORD has a nimble mind.
• TOM FORD takes his work seriously.
• TOM FORD obviously sips from life’s full cup.

Without a doubt TOM FORD would be great company.

That is one of the many reasons I enjoyed Nocturnal Animals so much.

Nocturnal Animals Is A Refreshing Antidote to Tackiness

Like TOM FORD himself, and the clothes TOM FORD has designed, there is nothing tacky about Nocturnal Animals.

Brash Vision

Looking good requires work.

Nocturnal Animals is the latest manifestation of TOM FORD’S brash vision, seer’s confidence, attention to detail, and hard work.

Nocturnal Nights Is The Latest Well Conceived Successful Product of A Provocateur Visionary

As one perfectionist workaholic provocateur visionary to another, I salute you TOM FORD for a job well done.

Flashy Brassy Attitude

I share TOM FORD’S flashy brassy attitude.

Check out the flashy brassy attitude exhibited in my latest creative business venture Dude’s Guide to Women’s Shoes at http://www.dudesguidetowomensshoes.com.

Dude’s Guide to Women’s Shoes is a high hip quotient flamboyant hippie fest which appeals to style-aware goddesses.

DEADLINE

I have put myself under the pressure of a self-imposed deadline to finish writing this movie review in my living room before I go to my office this morning.

VICTIMS OF THEIR OWN INSECURITY

Many people are victims of their own insecurities.

That is why many people love and many other people hate Nocturnal Animals.

• Nocturnal Animals does not have a plot.
• Furthermore, Nocturnal Animals does not have a beginning, or a middle, or an end.
• More importantly, Nocturnal Animals is an impeccably well constructed out of order sequence of a series of scenes in the life of a woman who was her own worse enemy – a woman who became the victim of her own insecurities.

 A MOVIE FOR THE BROKEN HEARTED

The ideal audience for Nocturnal Animals are people whose hearts have been broken by their spouse and/or by their lover(s).

People who have not had their heart broken may or may not be able to [fully] appreciate Nocturnal Animals.

• Mature men who have had their heart broken, men who couldn’t get over their broken heart for a long time or for ever, and men who understand this movie, will love it.
• Mature women who have had their heart broken, who couldn’t get over their broken heart, and women who understand this movie, will also love it.

RULES TO LIVE BY & LESSONS TAUGHT

Nocturnal Animals screams out the following rules to live by and teaches the following lessons:

1. Don’t pair up with someone who is extremely insecure.  Such a relationship will never work.
2. People become happy when they let go of the perception of what they are supposed to be.  Be who you want to be.
3. You can’t make a better past.  Abandon all hope of bettering your past.
4. When you enjoy the absurdity in the world it is less painful.  People act absurdly.
5. Your soul must be the center of your universe.  If everybody in a family is not pulling their own weight the family unit is going to fail.
6. You can’t cheat reality.  You are responsible for your own life.  Fake is fake.
7. You can’t walk away all the time.  When you love somebody and they love you, work out your problems, don’t throw away your love for each other.

HAVE THE STRENGTH TO BELIEVE IN THE PERSON YOU LOVE OR ELSE LIVE A BARREN UNROMANTIC LIFE

The fatal flame-out causing flaw of the main character (Susan played by Amy Adams) in Nocturnal Animals is that she (Susan) did not believe in her first husband.

Her first husband had the strength to see in himself and the strength to believe in himself.

But, she (the main character Susan played by Amy Adams) did not have the strength to believe in her first husband or to ability to see the strength of her first husband.

Her first husband was passionately and romantically totally committed to her.

Her first husband wanted to share her life with her and for her to share his life with him.

Her first husband loved her totally.

Susan was not the right person for her first husband to marry because Susan was so shallow she was incapable of having an enduring relationship with him, good man though he is.

• Susan had no empathy.
• Susan had no emotional connection to her first husband.
• Susan was incapable – way to shallow to be able to share intimacy.
• When push came to shove she was not romantically involved with him enough to wait for his career to blossom.
• Susan did not love her husband enough to go through the ups and downs of life with him.
• Susan discovered she wanted a different life style that her struggling your writer husband could provide or that she could provide for herself as an artist.
• When the hormonal rush of good sex was over, Susan thought she saw that he was not right for her.
• Of course she was wrong.  She was not trustworthy, she was not reliable, she valued having money and “luxury creature comforts” over having a committed relationship.

Her beauty, her love of beauty and her love of financial success was a trap.

A WEAK WRONG HEADED UNROMANTIC WOMAN

SUMMARY: Nocturnal Animals consists of a sequence of scenes in the life of an extremely unhappy woman (Susan) who didn’t believe in a man who was her true and first love.

She became the victim of her own insecurities; her wrongheadedness and emotional weakness made her panic – made her runaway with a dashing successful handsome doctor who turned out to be a philanderer, who frequently went on business trips during which he had sex with “glamorous”  women.

In the end, Susan was very much alone and miserable.

The Beginning

Susan and her first husband knew each other and unbeknownst to each other had crushes on each other when they were in high school.

They met up again when they were graduate students.

• He wanted to be a writer.
• She wanted to be an artist.

After they reconnected in graduate school they discovered they were “in love” with each other and got “married” over the protest and against the advice of her mother.

Her mother told her, “He is poor.  You are rich.  You will never have the things or the life style you are accustomed to if you marry him.”

FAKE DOESN’T HAVE THE SAME FEEL AS REAL – FAKE FEELS FAKE BECAUSE FAKE IS FAKE

Nocturnal Animals shows how a child is going to turn out will depend in great part in what their parents instill in them as a child.

Nocturnal Animals teaches the lesson that parents do a great disservice to their children if and when they tell their children, “It is an easy to fall in love with someone who is rich as it is to fall in love with someone who is poor.”

Mature sophisticated worldly people know is not easy to “fall in love” with anyone.

Parents should tell their children,

• “It is completely unsatisfying to be in love with a person who you can’t get close to, to be married to a person who you can’t connect with, and it is pure hell to live with a person who doesn’t care enough about you.
• “People in the United States live in a highly manipulative society.
• “That is one of the reasons there are so many unhappy marriages.
• “When you find someone in your life that you connect to don’t let them get away.
• “Be real about yourself, about who you are and what you have to offer.
• “Marry someone who is genuine, authentic, sincere, honest and values a relationship that is committed to enduring and getting better.”

THE STRONG ONE STICKS TO WHAT THEY BELIEVE IN

Nocturnal Animals consists of a series of scenes in the life of the very distraught Susan (perfectly played by Amy Adams) and has a wonderful ending.

Go see Nocturnal Animals.

VISUALLY

Visually Nocturnal Nights starts with a presentation of totally nude very over-weight women dancing.

The women are completely nude.

We (the audience) see their entire nude bodies as they dance, pubic hair and everything else.

Next the audience sees the main character, (Susan) a beautiful successful art-gallery owner married to her second husband, a dashing handsome young doctor (perfectly played by Armie Hammer), in her Beverly Hills art-gallery.

Our eyes (the audience’s eyes) are directed to a giant sculpture of a overweight nude woman on the floor in Susan’s are-gallery.

The movie begins with a picture of obese women dancing without any clothes on.

Q: Why is that?

A: The opening scene is a hip metaphor graphically delivering TOM FORD’S message, “The rest of the world is laughing at overweight, unhealthy Americans.”

Gary S. Smolker, publisher, movie reviewer, social commentator
Gary S. Smolker Idea Exchange Blog
www.garysmolker.wordpress.com

Gary Smolker, fashion blogger
Dude's Guide to Women's Shoes
www.dudesguidetowomensshoes.com

 

Above is a photograph of Gary S. Smolker taken on October 19, 2016 in his office in Encino, California, USA.

COPYRIGHT © 2016 by Gary S. Smolker, All Rights Reserved

 

A NATURAL AND CONFIDENT WOMAN OWNS THE ROOM EVERY TIME – An Idea Exchange with Gary S. Smolker

Pure Spirit Meets Spiritual High – by Gary S. Smolker

What my friend says below, in reply/response to a note I wrote to my daughter Leah, is Absolutely FABULOUS,

Absolutely sexy.

Below is a copy of our correspondence with her name [Tiffany Bayless] and e-mail address [tiffany.bayless@gmail.com].

Absolutely fabulous.

Absolutely sexy.

Three of the sexiest moments I’ve seen/experienced:

1.  A fully clothed woman sitting on a couch, bent over to fix her shoe, her long hair dangling to the floor.  All I could see was the top of her head and her hair extending from her head to the floor.

2.  A woman coming out of the bathroom.  Her hair up in pins here and there; her face all aglow.  She is getting read to get ready to get dressed to go out.

3.  A woman waking up in the morning, fully dressed in her pajamas, with a happy look on her face.

Self-awareness and acceptance WINS every time.

If you post what you have written below as a comment to my post posted January 12, 2016 (originally titled “She Is A Parisian” now titled “My Femme Fatale Is A Parisian”) and/or as a comment to my post posted on January 24, 2016 (titled “Living Life Fully”), I will post the above as a reply to your comment.

YOU ARE SPOT ON.

I am going to spend a blind copy of this note (correspondence to some women I know) and a visible copy to some men I know.

Everyone is invited to reply/comment.

But please put your replies and comments on my blog at www.garysmolker.wordpress.com.

Tiffany, thank you.

You deserve all the fame and fortune that you have and the greater fame and fortune that is in your future.

With highest esteem and respect,

I remain confident and very truly yours,

Gary

—–Original Message—–
From: Tiffany Bayless, tiffany.bayless@gmail.com
To: Gary Smolker <gsmolker@aol.com>
Sent: Sun, Jan 31, 2016 10:56 am
Subject: Re: New Blog not like other blogs.

I wrote this last night and never sent it.  It was after I got home after having a few cocktails…. Wasn’t going to send it once I opened up my laptop today as it’s a stream of conscious writing.  I make some good points, but definitely can see that I was partially venting about some other things in my life.  I figured you would appreciate either way.

I truly believe confidence is key.  And by confidence, I mean self-awareness and acceptance.  There is nothing more intriguing than a woman who can walk into any room and own it.  The one where all eyes are on her and don’t know why.  She doesn’t have anything extraordinary…. except for her soul/spirit.

By own it, I mean she has a way that she walks, she has a way that she laughs, that shows she is completely and utterly ok with herself. All of her weaknesses and all of her strengths. That is the sexiest thing to men and woman.  No matter size or color or age.

To add on to your point, those who have confidence have more fun.  Yes.  Because they aren’t worried about what anyone else thinks.  They are taking care of themselves.  It’s not something magical like the movies make it seem when the pretty girl enters the room.  It’s mother nature.

What is the saying… “Behind every strong man, is a strong woman.” Absolutely true.

A true relationship is give and take. One to keep you strong and one to hold you up.  And those roles flip and roller-coaster on the regular.

I also agree that change is something that we have to accept.  Life is a journey and not a destination.  Some people fall in love with traveling.  When people travel, they are more open to new things.  It’s not a destination because, in their minds, it’s just for the moment.  A vacation. So they allow themselves to be more open to the present and stop worrying.  Travel is great for so many other reasons.  It opens your mind to new experiences and other people.  It opens you to new tastes, new foods.  It opens you up to something new.  But when we travel,  we do not have any preconceived notions about what our days are going to be like.  We don’t have any preconceived notions of what or where we are going today.  It just happens.  That is change.  When we travel, we accept change.  We intake the new experiences and do not question them.  It’s like a newborn baby.  Everything is brand new and for the “first time.”

As we get older our “first times’ become less and less.  From what I’ve experienced, that means we become more jaded.  When people are jaded and in their own bubble, they alienate people and it’s usually the closest to them. Confidence comes from being present and not thinking about the past or the future.  It comes from trusting in your own self. Whether you’ve experienced something a million times or not at all.  Confidence is key.  It’s facing whatever debacle or joy you are faced with.  You do not worry about the repercussions.  You just feel and you know. It’s an instinct.  People don’t talk about this emotion because it’s too hippie or weird. And most of the time it doesn’t make “sense.”  We are all human.  We all have instincts. Shame on the people who refuse to be aware of it.

On Fri, Jan 29, 2016 at 10:41 AM, Gary Smolker <gsmolker@aol.com> wrote:

You cannot lead from the crowd

Lele,

When you have confidence, you can have a lot of fun.

When you have a lot of fun, you can do amazing things.

Change is the way of life.

And those who look only to the past or the present are certain to miss the future.

Love,

DAD

—–Original Message—–
From: Leah Smolker <easytospell03@yahoo.com>
To: Gary Smolker <gsmolker@aol.com>; Jason Fane <jfane@aol.com>
Sent: Fri, Jan 29, 2016 10:29 am
Subject: New Blog not like other blogs.

Travel

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Copyright © 2016 Gary S. Smolker, All Rights Reserved