WOMEN ROCK – by Gary S. Smolker


Below is an exchange of correspondence from a “woman” to me about a relationship that didn’t work, my response to her about why that relationship didn’t work, and also a commentary on the common complaint women have about men, and a description (from a woman’s point of view) of the ideal relationship.

I have posted two photographs below.

One photograph is of a woman I saw in the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf coffee shop across the street from the high rise office building in which I work in Encino, California.

The other photograph is of a young girl I saw in the elevator in my high rise building as I was she and I were riding in that elevator.  I was going from the ground floor up to my office.


I used to think if I loved as much as I could. He would see and feel that love and therefore reflect, let down guards and do the reciprocate. That shit doesn’t happen.

I don’t want to train. And I can’t train someone not willing to be open.

I just need to get over trying to figure out why he didn’t listen and wasn’t open.

I am more than worth listening to. And I do more than enough. But it still hurts to have unrequited love.

If I only understood why. But maybe it’s better I don’t. Because I couldn’t stand to think it’s because he thought I wasn’t worth it.

But I am worth it.




ABSOLUTELY beautifully expressed —– you are a great writer.

The simple answer to your questions “Why didn’t ‘it’ work?” is:  He is not the “right” man for you.

The “right” man for you would not want to miss one minute of “being there” with you.

He was not “there” to begin with.

Your situation is somewhat like what Gertrude Stein said about Oakland, California: “There is no there there.”

It has absolutely nothing to do with you.

It has everything to do with who he “is.”

He is a person who doesn’t have the tools for a successful life.

  • He does not have the same point of view you do of what constitutes living a meaningful life.
  • He does not have the same perspective you have of what constitutes living a full life.
  • He does not want to be the person you wish him to be.
  • He doesn’t interpret things the way you do.
  • He does not have the tools to live a meaningful life.
  • He doesn’t have an idea what living a meaningful life entails.
  • He doesn’t know how to become the person you wish he was.
  • He doesn’t have the same drive to live a full meaningful life that you do.
  • He doesn’t have the same thought process you do.
  • He doesn’t feel things the way you do.
  • That is why he seems to be emotionally comatose.
  • He is emotionally indifferent.

I wish you were here with me in my arms or I was there with you —- with me hugging you —- with me comforting you.

I know you are in great pain.

You are a superb human being.

You are “worth it.”

A man of the “highest level” of sophistication and refinement and intelligence will be passionate about your relationship; he will thank God that he is blessed to have you be part of his life when the two of you finally “get together.”




The Common Complaint

With few exceptions women who have told me their relationships was not working and/or asked me why their relationship wasn’t working or asked me how men “think”, have consistently complained that the man in their life was not open with them and not willing to change.

My bottom line is the men they were with didn’t want to make the relationship work.  The men probably didn’t have the same goals as the women and were immature.

The Right Man

A woman who is head over heals in love with her boy friend told me: He is my everything now.  He is so good to me.  I feel like he is an extension of my hands, feet, soul, and mind.

When I repeated that to a woman friend of mine, she replied,

  • Being good to you isn’t enough.
  • He has to make you feel good.
  • He has to make you feel good about yourself.
  • He has to have the right values.
  • He has to be sexually attractive to you.
  • He has to be someone who will be with you to the day you die.

Copyright © 2016 Gary S. Smolker, All Rights Reserved

About Gary S. Smolker

PERSONAL PHILOSOPHY: No enterprise can exist for itself alone. Every successful enterprise ministers to some great need, it performs some great service, not for itself, but for others. Otherwise, it ceases to be profitable and ceases to exist. Imagination, open mindedness and flexibility are the most important factors in unlocking potential. Those who embrace innovation, improvisation, continuous learning, time management, are action oriented, high energy, passionate, creative, purposeful and intense individuals are best equipped to succeed. We all have ideas and the ability to make progress by sharing information and our ideas and also by changing our ideas when appropriate. We should always be on the lookout for teaching and mentoring moments. We hold time like water in our hands; however tightly we clench our fingers, it drips away. But, if it falls on a seed, a seed may grow to become something that will have a positive social impact. PERSONAL INTERESTS: I have a passion to learn, to innovate, to lead, to mentor and to teach. I seek to write things worth reading and want to do things worth writing about. I enjoy (a) driving a fast car, (b) having intense conversations (c) teaching/mentoring, (d) reading and (e) being involved in productive activity. PERSONAL: I believe in cultivating and backing passionate people, innovation, and old fashioned good ideas. I love making human connections and spreading good ideas. I am strongly motivated to achieve in situations in which independence of thought and action are called for. PERSONAL GOALS: I want to live life vibrantly, to be as sharp as a tack until my last breath and to change the world by being me. My personal goal is to be fully engaged in life, to lead by example, to set high standards and to continue to amass firsthand experience and knowledge in all that interests me. PERSONALITY: I love fun and mischief. I relish absurdity. I have an irreverent, facetious and satiric disposition. I dread boredom. I have spent a lifetime reading. I have no bias against people who have lived successful and/or complicated lives. I write to release tension, to get things off my chest. SOCIAL MEDIA: I post articles on the "Gary S. Smolker Idea Exchange" blog at www.garysmolker.wordpress.com, and "Dude's Guide to Women's Shoes" at www.dudesguidetowomensshoes.com. I also post images and comments on Instagram @garyspassion. CONTACT INFORMATION: Gary Smolker, Smolker Law Firm, 16055 Ventura Blvd., Ste 525, Encino, California, 91436-2609, USA. Phone 1-818-788-7290, e-mail GSmolker@aol.com.

Posted on March 30, 2016, in Girl's Rock and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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