Succcess – Footnote No. 7 in Gary Smolker’s Mentor Notebook

 

 

Copyright © 2014 Gary S. Smolker

 

Updated May 18, 2014

 

On the one hand, we are experiencing a fast pace of creativity, innovation, and a non-stop introduction of life changing new products.  While, on the other hand, at the same time, people are experiencing heightened levels of stress, mental depression and burnout.

 

People want what they think will enrich their lives.  They want the creative fire in their lives to never go out and they want everything they touch to turn into eternal beauty.  On May 11, 2014 I posted an article entitled “An Antidote for A Nagging or Stressful Wife” on my blog, The Gary Smolker Idea Exchange Blog at www.garysmolker.wordpress.com.

 

I am always interested – and I am sure you are too – in better understanding how people think, the ways people interact with each other, how to build social bonds and fellowship, where ideas and innovation come from, how to create nurture and sustain high performance relationships and organizations, and how to be more creative and balanced, personally and professionally.

Below are redacted copies of a small number/portion of the richly nourishing provocative e-mails (without addresses of other people) I recently received from ultra-high performing people, and my responses to their  e-mail.

 

I hope reading the copies of the e-mails below – which are on the topic of nagging, which is another word for feedback – and my responses thereto will feed the fire in your heart’s center and the full flowering of your spirit.

 A Fellowship of Adventurers

When people work together they need togetherness.

They need to feel that they belong to a fellowship of adventurers.

They need to work with “A” level people who are extremely good at what they are doing.

They need to be continuously learning, helping, being helped, and receiving constructive feedback in a caring nurturing healthy interactive environment.

Brain Power

Genes account for no more than 48 percent of your intelligence and level of productivity.  Fifty-two percent is a function of the care you give others and receive, the environment you are in and your education.

The average brain will improve with age if you use it properly.

Our neurons are capable of making increasingly complex new connections throughout our lives.

Your brain is capable of making a virtually unlimited number of synaptic connections or potential patterns of thought.

The minimum number of potential thought patterns the average brain can make is the number 1 followed by 10.5 million kilometers of typewritten zeros.

Creating Masterpieces Is Hard Work

As Michelangelo put it: “If people knew how hard I had to work to gain my mastery, it would not seem so wonderful at all.”

If you don’t know what you are doing wrong, you can never know what you are doing right.

We need to know where we are going wrong if we are going to improve.

Feedback is, in effect, the rocket fuel that propels the acquisition of knowledge, and without it no amount of practice is going to get you there.

High performers need sufficient feedback to challenge, to refine and to improve their judgment.

They deepen and expand their knowledge over time, getting better and better at what they do.

Embrace the idea that high level expert performance is ultimately about the quality and quantity of education, feedback and practice.

Snap into reality:

  • Learning is not laborious.  It is liberating.
  • A key factor driving success and failure is motivation.
  • Only those who care deeply about where they want to go are ever going to get there.
  • Although people may differ in every which way – in their initial talents, and aptitudes, interests or temperaments – everyone can change and grow through application, constructive expert feedback, education and experience.
  • Attitude (mind-set) counts.  Top performers embrace “failure.”  Remember the Nike commercial where Michael Jordan says: “I’ve missed more than nine thousand shots.  I’ve lost almost three hundred games.  Twenty-six times I’ve been trusted to make the fame-winning shot and missed.”
  • In order to become the greatest basketball player of all time, you have to embrace failure.  “Mental toughness and heart are a lot stronger than some of the physical advantages you might have,” he said.  “I’ve always said that, and I’ve always believed that.”
  • The path to excellence is difficult.  It forces voyagers to stumble and fall on every single stretch of the journey.
  • To make the journey you need to be equipped with the right mind-set, an appetite for hard work that is ravenous, an enthusiasm that is palpable, and a relentless quest for personal transformation.

The Experience of “Nagging”

 

—–Original Message—–
From: Carl
To: ‘Gary Smolker’ <gsmolker@aol.com>;
Sent: Thu, May 15, 2014 11:32 am
Subject: RE: In Re: Nagging – Your man isn’t exaggerating when he says your nagging is killing him

Gary,

A “funny” topic that isn’t “funny.”

So when I read the following, ‘My Webster Dictionary defines nag and nagging as, to “find fault unnecessarily.”’ My first question is, “According to who?”

If I’m being nagged then of course there is no fault and by definition it is unnecessary.

If I am doing the nagging then of course there is fault and by obligation it is necessary. Why else would I be nagging?

I’m right about this of course.

Answer me that! I’m waiting…

Still waiting…

You always ignore me but I’m not going away until you insist that I’m right. (Which means that you’re wrong, which everybody knows and is always talking about.)

 

Carl

From: Gary Smolker [mailto:gsmolker@aol.com]
Sent: Thursday, May 15, 2014 11:26 AM
To: Carl
Subject: In Re: Nagging – Your man isn’t exaggerating when he says your nagging is killing him

 

Carl

We live in an age of gross attention seeking.

People are increasingly confronted by messy, multifaceted challenges that require collaboration to resolve.

We’ve come to define ourselves by sharing our thoughts and feelings even as we’re having them.

It is not unusual for executives to receive 200 emails per day  – more than 30,000 a year.

It is not unusual for top executives to receive 1,000 or more emails per day.

Meeting time has skyrocketed.

On average, senior executives devote more than two days every week to meetings involving three or more coworkers.

One of the legal defenses offered by Steve Cohen, CEO of SAC Capital, the hedge fund that was indited in 2013 for insider trading and agreed to pay a record $1.2 billion fine, was that he missed a warning about insider trading because of the one thousand emails he got every day.

According to a Harvard Medical School study, 96 percent of leaders said they feel burned out.

Our workplace culture is fueled by stress, sleep deprivation and burnout.

We are overworked.

Time is a scarce resource.

We need to disconnect from all our omnipresent devices – our screens and social media – cut back on the number of meetings we attend and reconnect with ourselves.

Feel free to post a comment on my blog at www.garysmolker.wordpress.com on “nagging.”

“Nagging” is a very big topic.

Everyone’s work is improved by the dynamic process of seeking and giving feedback, ideas, and assistance.

Rewarding relationships are by far the most common element of personal success.

Helping is satisfying.

There is joy in collaborative helping.

The experience of successful help/helping boosts morale and job satisfaction.

However, when people feel an assessment made of them or their work, or that advice given to them seems off base, unhelpful, or simply untrue, they feel indignant, wronged, and exasperated.

People need to feel important and appreciated.

Whether feedback a person receives is right or wrong, wise or witless, it can be devastating if it causes your sense of who you are to come undone.

In such a case, you’ll struggle with feeling overwhelmed, defensive or off-balance.

Feeling judged sets off emotionally charged identity triggers.  You need to find “the coaching” in criticism, if the criticism/feedback is well intentioned.

Does the person giving you feedback/criticism want you to succeed?

Where is the feedback coming from?

What prompted it?

Where is it going?

I received a lot of personal e-mail about “nagging” after I posted an article entitled “An Antidote for A Nagging Stressful Wife” on my blog.

Below is a copy of several thoughtful perspectives people expressed to me in those e-mails and my responses.

With deepest respect,

Gary

 

—–Original Message—–
From: Friend

To: gsmolker <gsmolker@aol.com>
Sent: Wed, May 14, 2014 10:57 pm
Subject: Nagging

Gary,

My Webster Dictionary defines nag and nagging as, to “find fault unnecessarily.”

I believe that an essential element in nagging is that it is repetitive or grossly excessively repetitive.

·        Nagging – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nagging – Similarto Nagging – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Nagging, in interpersonal communication, is repetitious behaviour in the form of pestering, hectoring or otherwise continuous urging an individual to complete …

Social nagging – Parental and child nagging – The interpersonal interaction

·        Urban Dictionary: nagging

www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=nagging – Similarto Urban Dictionary: nagging

What women do when they are pissed off and don’t have anyone to blame. Usually done to the men that love them and try to treat them right.

·        nagging – definition of nagging by the Free Online Dictionary …

www.thefreedictionary.com/nagging – Similarto nagging – definition of nagging by the Free Online Dictionary …

To annoy by constant scolding, complaining, or urging. 2. To torment persistently, as with anxiety or pain. v.intr. 1. To scold, complain, or find fault constantly: …

·        News for nagging

Telegraph…. Are You Nagging Your Man to Death?Boston.com- 4 days agoYour man isn’t exaggerating when he says your nagging is killing him, according to a new report.

MY RESPONSE:

Leonardo Da Vinci had a motto: saper verdere, “to know how to see.”

Thank you for your e-mail.  Relationships are the bandwidth by which information transfers.

People have different opinions and different perspectives.

The purpose of my blog is to share a diversity of perspectives.

Many people who read my blog are passionate about what they do and feel and believe it is their life mission to be doing what they are doing.

They are fulfillment-oriented, in an intrinsically motivated context.

They throw themselves into their work.

They are fully immersed in what they are doing.

They are consumed.  They are fully absorbed in their work.

They aren’t addicted to work – they crave the validation that comes with success.

At a neurophysiological level, they are achievement oriented.  They seek input from many sources.  They intentionally diversify their lives.

They know, most of creativity is combinational; that is one reason ultra-performers interact with a diverse variety of other people, are curious, open minded, flexible and closely attend to living a varied life.

Ultra performers are highly observant.  They don’t just look.  They see.  They are the type of people who believe:

  • Breath of experience is a form of identity.
  • Highly differentiated, highly innovative outputs comes from having a range of inputs.
  • Having a wide breath of experiences helps you to better understand yourself.
  • The experiences that you invite become the work you produce.
  •  When the right people are gathered in the right way, the whole becomes greater than the sum of its parts.

Ultra performers are intense listeners, readers and observers on a mission.

They have observational virtuosity and are passionately curious.

Their curiosity drives them to have a thirst for new experiences, to make partnerships and alliances and to have relationships with talented individuals.

They find and welcome other people with wide-ranging minds.

They seek to bring as wide a range of experiences and people – and thus ideas – into their lives as possible.

They view experiences as fuel for creativity, the substrate on which ideas grow.

Domestically, they seek to carefully combine work and home so as to have energy both at home and at work and not to lose themselves, their loved ones or their foothold on success.

Those who do this most effectively vigilantly manage their own human capital, their relationships, endeavoring to give both work and home and their impact on the rest of the world their due.

Deciding when where and how to be accessible for work is an ongoing challenge.

If all of your socializing centers around your work life, you tend to experience an ever-decreasing circle of influence and ideas.

The most successful business executives engage meaningfully with work, family and community and they have down time in which they rest, relax, actively notice things both inside and outside their overly orchestrated lives and rejuvenate their minds, their bodies and their souls.

Life sometimes takes over, but ultra-achievers have built support systems both at work and at home by collaborating with partners and zeroing in on what really matters.

Rewarding relationships – having relationships that give them emotional support, and practical help, including personal, career and business advice – are by far the most common element of their personal success.

Complementary relationships with a shared vision of success for everyone at home and common goals hold those that are couples and/or have families together.

As the ad says: The only thing more powerful than a big idea is the team that can see it through.

Effective collaborative help lends perspective, experience, and expertise that improves the quality and execution of ideas.

The right mix of fully formed adults with the right minds attitude and experiences make bright work.

The value created by a product mirrors the skills invested in it.

Great teams accomplish great work.

When value is created, it resonates within everyone involved.

A quality product enriches the lives of the people who made it and the people who use it.

The more useful a product – the work and/or the work-product – the happier people will be.

Successful collaboration doesn’t just happen.  It takes effort.

Warmest regards,

Gary

“Nagging” Is A Woman’s Call for Attention

 

Becky

NAGGING is a muti-dimensional topic.

Ray Woodcock posted a great comment on my posted article on “antidote for nagging wife.”  I recommend that you look at his post.

If Lynne hadn’t intervened by having the movie theater call the paramedics when Lynne noticed I was sweating profusely, I would probably be dead.

Check out Ray’s posted comment and my article at www.garysmolker.wordpress.com.

The Lynne intervention when Lynne noticed GSS sweating-in-movie-theater episode points out that “nagging” can be a good thing, it can be an act of love, an act of human kindness or just a plain concern for other human beings.

I love your comment (copy below) about “nagging” being a lot of work.  Please post further comments on that topic on my blog right after the article on “nagging wife.”

BY THE WAY: We are talking about “how” to build social-bonds.

Let me give you one quick story on how to do that.

On the morning I was to fly back to L.A. from Toronto, Interventional Cardiologist Christopher Buller called me on my cell phone – while I was still at the hotel I was staying at in Toronto – and said to me: “If Air Canada gives you any trouble boarding the plane, have Air Canada call me at this number and I’ll take care of it.”

By that act of kindness and concern Chris formed a partnership with me the potency of which has no measurable limits.

We need to attend to the people around us.  We need to pay attention to the person we are with.  By doing so, we are creating micro moments of positivity resonance with the other person which unlocks the collective capacity of you and the other person to enjoy life more and become healthier in the process.

The research of Uri Hasson, a Princeton psychologist, reveals the multilevel mirroring that happens between people when they are getting along: their bodies mirror each other, and their brain activity does as well.  These are micro moments of positivity resonance.
When you share a positive emotion with someone, you’ll each invest in each other’s well being.

TAKE AWAY:  Seek out and be responsive to potential instances for making micro-moment connections.  You can have an instance of positivity resonance with anyone, whether it’s a stranger on the subway, a family member, or a co-worker.  It’s a matter of showing kindness and receiving connection.

After experiencing these micro moments, we have a desire to invest in one another’s welfare.

This builds social bonds.

Authentic connection is the foundation of partnership, a partnership that builds commitment.

GSS

—–Original Message—–
From: Becky

To: gsmolker <gsmolker@aol.com>
Sent: Wed, May 14, 2014 10:42 pm
Subject: Re: Senior Newswire

Gary:

I’m glad to know you are a pro-women person.  I know that you are always polite, a gentleman
kind, and generous.

I’m not sure I read your article about “nagging wife”?
Here’s my take on a nagging wife:

 … she’s clamoring for attention; for love. 

Nagging is a lot of work.  I’ll just give my husband (if I’m married)
the silent treatment instead. That will surely drive him crazy!

Stay healthy.

Best regards.

Becky

—–Original Message—–
From: Gary Smolker <gsmolker@aol.com>
To: Becky
Sent: Wed, May 14, 2014 2:19 pm
Subject: Re: Senior Newswire

Becky,

Thank you.

I’ve posted an article on my blog (at www.garysmolker.wordpress.com) about “nagging”, entitled “Antidote for A Nagging Wife.”

Feel free to post your thoughts and comments to that article on my blog.

By the way, SWEATING is also a symptom that you are having a heart attack.

Lynne noticed I was sweating profusely, got me to a hospital because of that.

On the way to the hospital the paramedics told me I was having a heart attack.

If Lynne had not taken control of the situation, it is very likely I would be dead.

Alert, awake, aware people make all the difference in the world.

I know many alert, awake and aware women.

And, I am extremely PRO-WOMEN.

GSS

Nagging Is An Act of Love

Elisabeth

You are wonderful at generating positivity resonance in my life
You always bring a smile to my face

As soon as I can catch my breath I’ll invite you out to breakfast, brunch, or lunch or coffee or tea.
Gary
—–Original Message—–
From: Elisabeth
To: Gary Smolker <gsmolker@aol.com> and Becky
Sent: Thu, May 15, 2014 12:47 pm
Subject: RE: POSITIVITY RESONANCE and the Sublime Difference between Nagging and LOVE & Call to Action To Create An Emotionally Nourished Sense of Progress

Gary,
Yes nagging is multi dimensional…
I also agree it’s partly love for another person. When u don’t love you don’t give a flying F…. for what the other person is doing and as it asks a lot of energy you rather keep the energy for something else!
Elisabeth

How Do You Define Nagging?

AMR

Great points.

An informed discussion always begins with a definition of terms.

Have fun and feel free to post your “comments” on what constitutes a “nagging wife” in my blog, in the comment section which is located immediately at the end of the article on “Antidotes for A Nagging Wife” at www.garysmolker.wordpress.com.

I agree with you: It is always a good idea to define terms.

Feel free to define the term “nagging” in your to be posted comment.

My Webster Dictionary defines nag and nagging as, to “find fault unnecessarily.”

Of course, either a man or a woman can nag and can be a nag.

In “The Devils Dictionary” Ambrose Bierce defines “politeness” as follows.

Politeness.  The most acceptable hypocrisy.

Let yourself go: 
You can be cautious or you can be creative (but there is no such thing as being a cautious creative).
A creative thinker must be fearless.If you are more tentative than decisive, if you’re more cautious than creative, you’ll never be an innovative business leader.
A Cautious Creative is an oxymoron.In the act of creativity, being careful guarantees sameness  and mediocrity, which means your work will be invisible.
Better to be reckless than careful.Better to be bold than safe.Better to have your work remembered, or you’ve struck out.There is no middle ground.I know you are fearless.I look forward to reading your posted comment regarding “nagging” and “nags” on my blog.
– I know you are expert in the personality type needed to occupy the C-Suite.
– Leave your politeness and inhibition behind; feel to discuss the “picked on woman’s side of the nagging issue” for me and the readers of my blog.
I look forward to reading your future comments.
GARY
—–Original Message—–
From: Annemarie
To: Gary Smolker
Sent: Tue, May 13, 2014 5:08 pm
Subject: ” Nagging by your wife”

Hi Gary:


I would love to comment on what constitutes ” nagging wife”  in your blog.

You asked for it –  

1.My biggest question is how do you define ” nagging” ?
Is it when a conversation doesn’t have an ending and it gets circled around 
over and over again with no real end insight ?

2.Is it when the person who is  per say  ” nagging you demands that you say sorry for 
getting you so frustrated that you say the rudest of things in hopes that the conversation ends?

3.Do we have a percentage of female or male ” naggers” ?

4.If you fall victim to this type of communication is it healthy for any relationship ?
And what solution would you suggest a person to do that is at the receiving end of a nagger ?

How long of a conversation do you need to have with a person before it becomes obvious that nagging is the end in sight?

Lastly, Would you say nagging a person over their own upset should carry on for 1 hour and repeated again over a second face
to face contact? When should this wife nagging stop ? 

Annemarie

Are There Limited Conditions Under Which People Are Motivated to Create Micro-Moments of Positivity Resonance?

Rabbi

What you say does and does not make sense.

I just received a note from Georgia Tagliere – a stranger I spoke to for the first time, in a restaurant, yesterday.

She told me she writes stories for children and science fiction for adults.

Her note is in my inbox.

I have not read it yet.

I will send a copy to you.

By the way, without any foundation, Chris Buller – who met me while I was laying on an operating table having a heart attack in St. Michael’s Hospital in Toronto – was kind to me.

Jason Fane, without any foundation – who I met in an elevator in Ithaca – gave me the keys to his Mercedes and told me I could borrow it.

A multitude of other complete strangers have come to my aide – without any prior relationship with me – in my many times of need.

Each of those people – the ones who helped a complete stranger in his time of need – have great self-awareness and extraordinary mental health.

It has been my experience, that really “healthy” people do things for other people -as good Samaritans, even for complete strangers.

By the way, I know a man who “donates” Torahs to “poor” synagogues (the membership of poor synagogues) so they will not have to disband when their Torahs become Un-Kosher.

To be continued.

Gary

—–Original Message—–
From: Rabbi
To: Gary Smolker <gsmolker@aol.com>
Sent: Thu, May 15, 2014 6:08 pm
Subject: Re: POSITIVITY RESONANCE and the Sublime Difference between Nagging and LOVE & Call to Action To Create An Emotionally Nourished Sense of Progress

Gary,
I suggest that it requires a little more warmth and friendship to generate positivity resonance than what is available to strangers. This doesn’t preclude kindness to strangers and even going out of our way to do so. On the contrary I’ma big fan of that. One of my favorite stories is of a man who felt a strong feeling of love for his son who was in a different city so he decided to pour it into the first homeless man he met. He found this fellow bought him a pizza and a pair of socks. He presented these with a smile and walked off. Kindness to a pure stranger.

Yet the positivity resonance that you speak of requires some foundation.

Rabbi
On Thu, May 15, 2014 at 11:05 AM, Gary Smolker <gsmolker@aol.com> wrote:
Becky
NAGGING is a muti-dimensional topic.Ray Woodcock posted a great comment on my posted article on “antidote for nagging wife.”If Lynne hadn’t intervened by having the movie theater call the paramedics when Lynne noticed I was sweating profusely, I would probably be dead.Check out Ray’s posted comment and my article at www.garysmolker.wordpress.com.The Lynne intervention when Lynne noticed GSS sweating-in-movie-theater episode points out that “nagging” can be a good thing, it can be an act of love, an act of human kindness or just a plain concern for other human beings.I love your comment (copy below) about “nagging” being a lot of work.  Please post it on my blog right after the article on “nagging wife.”BY THE WAY: We are talking about “how” to build social-bonds.Let me give you one quick story on how to do that.On the morning I was to fly back to L.A. from Toronto, Interventional Cardiologist Christopher Buller called me on my cell phone – while I was still at the hotel I was staying at in Toronto – and said to me: “If Air Canada gives you any trouble boarding the plane, have Air Canada call me at this number and I’ll take care of it.”By that act of kindness and concern Chris formed a partnership with me the potency of which has no measurable limits.We need to attend to the people around us.  We need to pay attention to the person we are with.  By doing so, we are creating micro moments of positivity resonance with the other person which unlocks the collective capacity of your and the other person to enjoy life more and become healthier in the process.The research of Uri Hasson, a Princeton psychologist, reveals the multilevel mirroring that happens between people when they are getting along: their bodies mirror each other, and their brain activity does as well.  These are micro moments of positivity resonance.

When you share a positive emotion with someone, you’ll each invest in each other’s well being.TAKE AWAY:  Seek out and be responsive to potential instances for making micro-moment connections.  You can have an instance of positivity resonance with anyone, whether it’s a stranger on the subway, a family member, or a co-worker.  It’s a matter of showing kindness and receiving connection.  After experiencing these micro moments, we have a desire to invest in one another’s welfare.This builds social bonds: Authentic connection is the foundation of partnership, a partnership that builds commitment.
GSS
—–Original Message—–
From: Becky
To: gsmolker <gsmolker@aol.com>
Sent: Wed, May 14, 2014 10:42 pm
Subject: Re: Senior Newswire

Gary:I’m glad to know you are a pro-women person.  I know that you are always polite, a gentleman
kind, and generous.I’m not sure I read your article about “nagging wife”?
Here’s my take on a nagging wife: … she’s clamoring for attention; for love.  Nagging is a lot of work.  I’ll just give my husband (if I’m married)
the silent treatment instead. That will surely drive him crazy!Stay healthy.Best regards.

Becky

—–Original Message—–
From: Gary Smolker
To: Becky
Sent: Wed, May 14, 2014 2:19 pm
Subject: Re: Senior Newswire

Becky,

Thank you.

I’ve posted an article on my blog (at www.garysmolker.wordpress.com) about “nagging”, entitled “Antidote for A Nagging Wife.”
Feel free to post your thoughts and comments to that article on my blog.
By the way, SWEATING is also a symptom that you are having a heart attack.
Lynne noticed I was sweating profusely, got me to a hospital because of that.
On the way to the hospital the paramedics told me I was having a heart attack.
If Lynne had not taken control of the situation, it is very likely I would be dead.
Alert, awake, aware people make all the difference in the world.
I know many alert, awake and aware women.
And, I am extremely PRO-WOMEN.
GSS

 

Complete Strangers Can Spontaneously Share Productive Moments of Positivity Resonance

 

Friday, May 16, 2014
Georgina,
I hope you don’t mind:I am going to send a copy of this/your correspondence with me – without your email address – to a friend with whom I’m having a conversation about creating micro-moments of positivity resonance with complete strangers.
Three quick mind-opening books are –

  • “The Measure of Reality – Quantification and Western Society 1250 – 1600” by Alfred W. Crosby
  • “Products of the Perfected Civilization – Selected Writings of Chamfort” translated and with an introduction by W.S. Merwin
  • “The Mind of Napoleon – A Selection of His Written and Spoken Words” edited and translated by J. Christopher Herold.

I believe the way we interact with one another can predict creativity, productivity, efficiency and effectiveness.

I recognize it takes a long time to do anything worthwhile and agree with the old Chinese saying: When you’ve made it 90% of the way down the path you are halfway to your destination.

To be continued.

Gary

—–Original Message—–
From: Georgina
To: gsmolker <gsmolker@aol.com>
Sent: Thu, May 15, 2014 8:56 pm
Subject: I met you this Afternoon at lunch
HI Gary,
I’m Georgina and I  met you this afternoon during lunch.  I somehow felt that you were there to open my mind .  You were quite observant . Anyway, after our brief conversation I thought I would give you the names of the books I had in mind for you to enjoy.
The name of the book is “How to think like Leonardo Da Vinci” by Michael J. Gelb.  I love this book because no matter where you are in your life intellectually, one can strive and attempt at new things that will improve their creativity and analytical skills.  We all have a certain degree of potential and the only way to tap into it is to continually try and learn new things that will enable you to inspire and touch the hearts of others.  I hope you like this simple book.
There are other books that are more intense and controversial that I think you might  like .  Check out Laurence Gardner’s books.  He’s a linguist and a historian of ancient  history. “The Arc of the Covenant”   I love his stuff.
 Let me know what you think.
Gina

A Psycho-logistical Conception of the World

Gary,

Let's not forget:

(1) - Psycho-logists/analysts say that nagging wifes-to-be and naggable 
husbands-to-be will, with innate propensity, find and attract each other to 
marry in and from amongst any crowd.

(2) - For a-few-centuries-old advice on an antidote for dealing with a nagging 
wife, please refer to Mr. Shakespeare's "Taming of the Shrew."


The subject matter reminds me of the humorous adage: "Behind every successful 
man is a nagging woman."

Understandably, most people conceptualize the world as a static background upon 
which is played a symphony or cacophony of cause and effect interrelations. 
Also, nearly all of these "cause-and-effect" believers feel that (1) below makes 
more sense than (2) below -- two seemingly opposite, equally cogent ways of 
interpreting the adage above:

(1) - The nagging causes the success;
(2) - The success causes the nagging.

-Farhad

MY RESPONSE:

I am very interested in people and why they are the way they are – especially ultra performers.

Last night, Lynne and I saw two great movies about the power of purpose in people’s lives: “The Million Dollar Arm” and “Belle.”  Each story is about “success” “winning” and “human dignity.”  Each main character is a gutsy, good-hearted, risk-taking man or woman of conviction infused with noble purpose.

Except for taking a break to see those two movies, all last night I was thinking about the tag line “To Nag or Not to Nag” in an e-mail I received yesterday.

In that e-mail a friend said:

“Gary, I once lived with a woman who went silent instead of yelling and nagging.  It didn’t drive me crazy!  I remember that as one of her best features and one that I didn’t adequately appreciate at the time.”

I also couldn’t get out of my mind, what Andre Agassi says in his autobiography OPEN about his early years in tennis:

“My father says, if I hit 2,500 balls each day, I’ll hit 17,300 balls each week, and at the end of one year I’ll have hit nearly one million balls.  He believes in math.  Numbers he says, don’t lie.  A child who hits one million balls each year will be unbeatable.”

What does that tell us?  It tells us if you want to be great at what you do, you have to work like crazy, regardless of your genes, background, creed or color.  And, you might need a “nag” like Agassi’s father to tell you that you need to work hard in order to succeed.

What ever fight you have in you you have to pull out.

If you watch my ten year old grandson play hockey and soccer you will see what I am talking about.

He is a show stopper.

He is always the smallest kid on the field and also the most ferocious and effective.

Why is that?  It is because he takes playing hockey and soccer more seriously than any other player or either team on the filed.

It is also because his mom gets up at 5:00 a.m. to take him to 6:00 a.m. soccer and hockey team practice.

Success Is Like Luck

Another friend wrote to me (via e-mail):

“Success is like luck, everyone has the same number of “opportunities” more or less in life but some move quickly and firmly in the right direction while others sabotage their own success unconditionally or not.

“I was trained by John Bradshaw some 30 years ago and learned among other things about Neuro Linguistic Programing (NLP) which is self talk…  We are more hypnotized by our own self talk than when hypnotized by an expert.  What we tell ourselves about what we can or cannot do absolutely will change the direction to succeed or fail or stagnate.

“Once I learned the secrets of NLP I grew our company about 10 fold… before then I had purposely set up blockades to keep our company small… Now I keep my company extremely lean so that I can make other investments to make real success.

“One of the first books John had us read was “Frogs to Princes.  You may want to read it too.  If you have not studied NLP you should  It is a ‘key’ to success!”

MY RESPONSE:

I am all in favor of reading books.

Yesterday morning I went to Barnes & Noble in Calabasas, California to purchase “How to Think Like Leonardo da Vinci” and two other books.  Only “How to Think Like Leonardo da Vinci” was in stock.  I bought it and took it home.  I also bought and took home:

  • “Clouds of Glory – The Life and Legend of Robert E. Lee” by Michael Korda
  • “My Promised Land – The Triumph and Tragedy of Israel” by Avi Shavirt
  • “Mansfield’s Book of Many Ways” by Stephen Mansfield
  • “Supreme City – How Jazz Age Manhattan Gave Birth to Modern America” by Donald L. Miller
  • “The Mob and the City – The Hidden History of How the Mafia Captured New York” by C. Alexander Hortis
  • “WHOLE” – Rethinking the Science of Nutrition” by T. Colin Campbell, PhD

I recommend all of those books.

I also recommend “Why A Man Should Be Well-Dressed – Appearances Can Be Revealing” by Adolf Roof.

People have a wide variety of tastes and perspectives.

There are messages embedded in everything people wear, and in everything they like and dislike.

In that regard, from the Middle Ages to 1870 (when it was abolished) there were two jury systems in English Courts.

The English doctrine of the “mixed jury” allowed resident foreigners to have law suits against English natives tried before juries composed half of natives and half of aliens like themselves.  This doctrine began in the Middle Ages and was abolished in 1870.

Accelerating change and increasing complexity multiply the value of intellectual capital.  The individual’s ability to learn, adapt, and think independently and creatively, is at a premium.

The desire to learn, to know, and to grow is the powerhouse of knowledge, wisdom and discovery.

If you are interested in thinking for yourself and freeing your mind from limiting habits and preconceptions, and wish to be more at home with the “unknown”, I recommend that you question conventional wisdom and “learn” how other people think through reading and practical experience.

Below is a list of five books that I am familiar with (and which I have in my home library) which address different aspects of how and why different “types” of people see the same things differently.

  • “Fashion, Culture and Identity” by Fred Davis
  • “Distinction – A Social Critique of the Judgment of Taste” by Pierre Bourdieu translated by Richard Nice
  • “The Faces of Injustice” by Judith N. Shklar
  • “The Law of the Other” by Marianne Constable
  • “Questions of Evidence – Proof, Practice, and Persuasion across the Disciplines” edited by James Chandler, Arnold I. Davidson, and Harry Harootunian.

 

Currently I am increasing my mental literacy by exploring new ideas, new innovations, the history of ideas, the nature of genius and expert performance, as well as what the best minds think about specific issues and things of interest to me by reading seven books, none of which are listed above, and interacting constantly with a wide variety of deeply thoughtful highly educated vibrant globally aware people.

The modern uomo universale is comfortable with different cultures and views racism, sexism, religious persecution, and homophobia as vestiges of a primitive age of evolution.

Today one of my uomo universale friends sent me an e-mail on the topic of “Positivity Resonance (Self-Awareness Health)” in which she expresses her disagreement with statements made in the Rabbi’s email (a copy of the Rabbi’s email is set forth above).  Her email to me reads as follows:

I totally agree with you on this. 

I have made life long friends with random people I met by happenstance.

I’ve also gone out of my way to help strangers if I know they are in need.  Like running to a 7-Eleven Store to try to find band aids for an old man who fell down and was bleeding.

I also visited Cabo San Lucas by myself one year and on an atv tour made friends with four couples who invited me back to dinner with them.

Two of these couples, right after I got home, invited me again to join them for Superbowl in Miami.

I guess I don’t like the term “Strangers” and anyone who uses it, isn’t curious about truly getting to know and understand people.

Okay that is a generalization.  I just happen to be passionately curious about people.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

“Masculinity is not something given to you, but something you gain.  And you gain it by winning small battles with honor.”  – Norman Mailer, Cannibals and Christians (1966)

 

By the way:  I know the title of this post is SUCCCESS.  I also know “success” is spelled success.

 

Warm regards,

Gary

Gary S. Smolker, Publisher
Gary Smolker Idea Exchange Blog
http://www.garysmolker.wordpress.com

 

About Gary S. Smolker

PERSONAL PHILOSOPHY: No enterprise can exist for itself alone. Every successful enterprise ministers to some great need, it performs some great service, not for itself, but for others. Otherwise, it ceases to be profitable and ceases to exist. Imagination, open mindedness and flexibility are the most important factors in unlocking potential. Those who embrace innovation, improvisation, continuous learning, time management, are action oriented, high energy, passionate, creative, purposeful and intense individuals are best equipped to succeed. We all have ideas and the ability to make progress by sharing information and our ideas and also by changing our ideas when appropriate. We should always be on the lookout for teaching and mentoring moments. We hold time like water in our hands; however tightly we clench our fingers, it drips away. But, if it falls on a seed, a seed may grow to become something that will have a positive social impact. PERSONAL INTERESTS: I have a passion to learn, to innovate, to lead, to mentor and to teach. I seek to write things worth reading and want to do things worth writing about. I enjoy (a) driving a fast car, (b) having intense conversations (c) teaching/mentoring, (d) reading and (e) being involved in productive activity. PERSONAL: I believe in cultivating and backing passionate people, innovation, and old fashioned good ideas. I love making human connections and spreading good ideas. I am strongly motivated to achieve in situations in which independence of thought and action are called for. PERSONAL GOALS: I want to live life vibrantly, to be as sharp as a tack until my last breath and to change the world by being me. My personal goal is to be fully engaged in life, to lead by example, to set high standards and to continue to amass firsthand experience and knowledge in all that interests me. PERSONALITY: I love fun and mischief. I relish absurdity. I have an irreverent, facetious and satiric disposition. I dread boredom. I have spent a lifetime reading. I have no bias against people who have lived successful and/or complicated lives. I write to release tension, to get things off my chest. SOCIAL MEDIA: I post articles on the "Gary S. Smolker Idea Exchange" blog at www.garysmolker.wordpress.com, and "Dude's Guide to Women's Shoes" at www.dudesguidetowomensshoes.com. I also post images and comments on Instagram @garyspassion. CONTACT INFORMATION: Gary Smolker, Smolker Law Firm, 16055 Ventura Blvd., Ste 525, Encino, California, 91436-2609, USA. Phone 1-818-788-7290, e-mail GSmolker@aol.com.

Posted on May 16, 2014, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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